


Roadkill Curse

by sirotcinec



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Animal Death, Happy Ending, Hitchhiking, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Rape/Non-con, Racist Language, Suicidal Thoughts, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-10-13 06:34:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10508268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sirotcinec/pseuds/sirotcinec
Summary: Not sure if it's still hitchhiking when you don't have the energy to either hitch or hike anymore, but if you're getting picked up by a less unfriendly than he looks stranger, then I guess it is.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> apologies to jack for everything and to readers for also everything and everything else
> 
> i was gonna finish it entirely before posting, but now that i'm joining up what i've written so far and working on writing down the rest that's in my head, i realise that it's MUCH BIGGER THAN EXPECTED and i'm not very good with long fics so i'm doing what's worst in this case, here u go, just throwing this out there to be continued
> 
> let me know if u want to keep reading, and i'll try to keep writing

Jack hated dead animals. They were bad omens, always had been. He clearly remembered poking at a dead mouse in the yard under the watchful eye of the neighbors’ cat when he was 9, then being back indoors the same day and being held by his mom as she tried to explain that she wouldn’t be around much longer.

Whenever he wasn’t with her during her last days, he had stared in morbid fascination at the slowly decomposing carcass of a fox that he’d come across in a little grove a few streets from home. It was possible that those two events didn’t actually coincide, but they did in his mind.

What he had almost tripped over now in the dark seemed to be another fox, lying twisted in the mud by the roadside.

Hopeless exhaustion crept over him at the sight and rooted him to the spot with his sneakers sinking into the soft ground and the straps of his backpack biting into his shoulders.

The rain kept pouring down on him as he stood still with his gaze fixed on the animal and his mind empty, and he realised only slowly that a car had stopped next to him.

He sidled up to it and peered through the rolled down window. The driver didn’t look much older than him, although the beard and scarred face were throwing Jack’s estimate off. In any case he didn't exactly look friendly. He scrutinised Jack, no doubt mapping every single bruise on his face, then looked away. He let Jack stare for a moment longer, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, and finally said, “I’m Gabriel. Headed to L.A.” When Jack didn’t move, he added, “I’m gonna kick you out if you annoy me, but I promise it’ll be at a bus stop or something, not in a ditch.”

Jack took another look at the fox. He felt completely drained. If he didn’t get into the car, he knew he would just stay here until whenever, possibly rotting away with his fellow roadkill.

Making a split second decision, he opened the car door to shove in his backpack and climb in after.

“Thank you. I’m Jack,” he said, silently cursing his hoarse and audibly nervous voice.

Gabriel nodded and drove on without another word. Jack watched the water drip from his hair down on his hands and listened to the quiet background noise of the radio over the drumming of the rain and the flicking of the windshield wipers.

He looked up in surprise when Gabriel reached up to switch off the ceiling light.

“If you want to change into something less soggy, you can do it in the backseat, or I can stop somewhere.”

“Thanks.” After reaching into his backpack to find everything in various states of wet and damp, he shrugged. “It’s fine, it wouldn’t make a lot of difference.”

“I’ll stop at the next motel. You can borrow some of my clothes for the night and put your stuff out to dry.”

“Okay,” Jack replied uncertainly, trying in vain to read Gabriel's expression. It could be anything from friendly offer to deep annoyance at having Jack soak his passenger seat. “It’s really okay, though.”

“Don’t worry about it. I could do with some sleep in an actual bed anyway.”

 

He followed Gabriel into a dingy motel with a buzzing red 'vacancies’ sign only a short while later as per his word.

“You okay with sharing?”

He nodded automatically, only realising that Gabriel had meant both room and bed when he set down his backpack in their room a few minutes later. It didn’t matter, he told himself while he dug through his belongings for cash for the room. They had two blankets and clothes. Speaking of which, Gabriel handed him a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, holding up a pair of boxer briefs in his other hand with a questioning look.

“You want to borrow underwear, too?”

“No,” Jack said immediately, then blushed. “I mean, it’s just, borrowing underwear is weird.”

Gabriel chuckled, and Jack mentally ticked off the question whether he was capable of smiling. “Yeah, I get it, it is. Thought I’d ask just in case.”

“Thanks.” He took the clothes and offered half of what Gabriel had paid for the room in turn. Gabriel hesitated to accept the money. “It’s okay if you can’t spare it.”

“Just take it,” Jack cut him off before he could go on, relieved when Gabriel didn't react to his harsh tone as he took the notes and pocketed them with a thanks before sitting down on the bed and leaving Jack to head to the adjoining bathroom.

He winced when he caught a look at himself in the mirror. Even accounting for the unforgiving fluorescent light, he looked terrible. Pale as a sheet, every single cut and bruise standing out starkly. He leaned closer to examine his face. Marks under both eyes, and he carefully checked his nose from the front and in profile. He thought there was a little crook to it, but it was impossible to tell for sure with the swelling. He might be lucky, and it would heal straight. The bruising continued around one eye from cheekbone to temple with a small cut from the corner of his eye up to his eyebrow. Another cut on the lip, and more bruising along his jaw.

He grimaced at the livid bruises around his throat and pulled off his drenched sweater and t-shirt to check out the rest. He ran a hand down his ribs, carefully poking some especially sore spots. It all seemed minor, the bruises not indicating that the entirety of his organs had been squashed. In which case he figured he'd be dead already anyway and all his problems solved. With a sigh, he stripped off the rest of his clothes and stepped into the shower.

 

Gabriel looked up from his phone when he returned to the bedroom a while later wearing his t-shirt and pants.

“Should have asked earlier, but should I be taking you to the ER?”

He tensed in preparation for the no doubt following questions. The discretion so far had been too good to be true. “I’m fine,” he said curtly.

“No bones sticking out anywhere I can't see?”

“No.”

“Still got all your teeth?”

“Yes.”

“No concussion?”

“No,” he replied a little less certainly, feeling for the bump on the back of his head.

“Sit.” Gabriel patted the spot next to him on the bed, and Jack sat down obediently, holding his breath when Gabriel ran a hand up through his hair to check for the injury.

“Dizzy?”

“No.”

“Feeling sick?”

“Not especially.”

“Did you pass out?”

“No.”

“Are you gonna die in your sleep?”

“Don’t think so.”

Gabriel nodded, apparently appeased, and stopped the gentle prodding with a last searching look at Jack's face. He stood up, taking a small pile of clothes with him, and gestured at the bathroom.

“Taking a shower as well.”

Jack waited for Gabriel to disappear, then got up and set to work on spreading his clothes out through the room so they could hopefully dry at least somewhat by morning.

Having done that, he crawled under the covers, pulling them over his head, and listened for Gabriel to come back. He didn't move when he did and stayed silent as he felt the mattress dip, heard the rustling of the other blanket, and eventually the click of the light switch.

 

Once the particular oppressive silence that comes with dark, enclosed spaces had taken hold, it took only minutes for panic to set in and choke him up. He was so fucked. His savings would last him maybe three weeks or so, by then he needed to have found a place to live and a job. Preferably both at the same time.

He pulled the covers off his face and turned onto his back in the hopes of getting some air into his lungs, managing a shaky breath.

“Jack?”

He jumped and glanced over at Gabriel, whose open eyes he could barely make out in the darkness of the room.

“Yeah?”

“I know you don’t wanna talk about it, but I’m guessing that it's not your last ride that’s responsible for this and that you’re running away?”

Jack clenched his teeth. It was a bit too late to pretend to be asleep now.

“I’m 18, at that point it’s called moving out,” he finally retorted.

Gabriel sighed. “Either way. Do you have any other family or friends I could take you to? It’s alright if it’s a bit of a detour as long as they don’t live in, like, Florida.”

“No.”

“Alright.” There was a pause, and Jack had already started hoping Gabriel had dropped the subject when he spoke again. “If it helps, you can come along to L.A. and try to find something there. You can stay on my couch for a while.”

“What do you want in return?”

“Just put something towards groceries, and I don’t know, keep the place clean, I guess.”

Jack stayed silent, sure that even in the dark, Gabriel could read the mistrust written all over his face.

“It’s just that if I drop you off somewhere, I give it about a month tops until I run into you again and you offer to suck me off for 10 bucks.”

“What do you care,” he snapped, hating that Gabriel was voicing his exact thoughts.

“If I didn’t care, it would have been a lot easier to just leave your ass in the middle of nowhere to get into the next serial killer’s car.”

“I actually turned the serial killer down.”

Gabriel huffed out a laugh. “You… turned them down? Just like that? Not today, thank you?”

“He didn’t _say_ he was a serial killer, obviously. He just looked like I could save him a shit-ton of work by going and burying myself in the woods without getting in his car first.”

“I see… well… just take your time to think about it.”

He didn’t say any more, and Jack looked over to see that his eyes were closed again.

“Thank you,” he said quietly, realising that no matter how little he trusted the offer at the moment, it made the lump in his throat a little less constricting.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeeere we go. that took a LONG TIME.
> 
> thanks all for kudos and comment responses to the first chapter, i hope you'll continue to like it :)
> 
> next chapter might be up shortly as well bc it's almost done and i may not be able to contain myself when it is

He woke up more warm and comfortable than he had ever before. It was only when he opened his eyes that he realised the reason with a sinking feeling. He was still lying on his back, but Gabriel was curled around him, one arm slung across his chest, legs entangled with his, and his face buried in the crook of Jack’s neck. Judging by the deep breaths tickling his skin, he was fast asleep.

He didn’t know how to handle this. Wake him up? Pretend it wasn’t happening? Punch him? Enjoy the physical feeling while ignoring the implications?

Perhaps Gabriel’s subconscious had registered the sudden tension in his body as he chose that moment to answer the question for him.

“Shit.” He scrambled away as if burned and stared at Jack from the far side of the bed, expression an odd mix of sleep-dazed and horrified. “I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t…” He floundered, and the open embarrassment when he had been so composed the entire time mollified Jack slightly.

“Just to be clear,” he said, still guarded, “when you say I can stay on your couch…”

“I actually mean my couch and not my dick,” Gabriel confirmed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m really sorry, Jack. It’s just when I’m asleep, I…”

“You’re a fucking octopus,” Jack said mildly and got up to check his clothes, pleased to find that the formerly wet ones were damp now and the damp ones had dried up to only slightly clammy.

“I was gonna say I gravitate towards warmth, but yeah, pretty much.”

He shot Jack another apologetic glance before disappearing into the bathroom while Jack packed up his clothes. He picked out some almost dry ones for the day and sat on the bed. He could still feel what he could only have described as a phantom cuddle, a lingering tingle from the unfamiliar touches that would have been pleasant if it had come without the confusion.

They switched places, and when he had pissed, washed, and dressed, he left the bathroom to find Gabriel already dressed and waiting.

“There’s a diner next door, you want to have breakfast there or stop somewhere later on?”

“Now sounds good. If you’re okay with that.”

 

It took Jack only a minute in the diner to regret not suggesting a drive-through. The waitress took one look at his face and treated Gabriel with as much hostile suspicion as she could probably professionally get away with.

They sipped their coffee in silence while they waited for their pancakes to arrive, and Jack reevaluated last night’s first impression about Gabriel’s expression being unfriendly then. His stomach twisted into knots when the waitress brought their plates, setting Gabriel’s down harder than necessary and leaving again

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. Gabriel looked up from where he had been glaring at his pancakes, scowl softening immediately.

“Not your fault,” he replied.

Jack shook his head. “Do you want me to… say something?”

“Please don’t tell her you fell down the stairs, or she’ll call the cops.” He reached across the table and nudged Jack’s plate closer to him with a quirk of his lips. “Come on, Jackie, eat your breakfast.”

Jack narrowed his eyes at the nickname. “Thanks, Gabe.”

He couldn’t help but return Gabriel’s answering grin, if only briefly before the twinge in his lip made him stop.

They both ate quickly, neither wanting to drag it out. When Jack stood up and announced he was going to pay so they could get out, Gabriel slid the cash for his half of the check across the table with a frown. “These were supposed to be apology pancakes for the… incident this morning.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “You just had the most uncomfortable breakfast of all time. Forget it.” He hesitated a moment, mentally somewhat taken aback by the audacity of his own thoughts, then added, “Besides, being cuddled by you isn’t so bad that I’d need to be compensated.”

Seeing the grin again for a moment before he slipped away to pay their bill was almost worth the embarrassment, Jack decided.

He approached the waitress behind the counter, who looked up and smiled at him.

“Picking up the check?”

“Yeah,” he replied curtly, handing her the cash and immediately turning to leave.

“Wait!”

“Keep the change,” he said over his shoulder.

“No, I mean okay, thank you, but I actually…” She trailed off and he faced her again, catching a hesitant glance in the direction of their table. “Is there anything I can… can I help?”

“You can start by not fucking making assumptions about decent people,” he snapped, regretting the outburst immediately as she shrank away. He felt as if the ghost of his father’s temper had just reared its head and took a step back. “Sorry. It’s only that… he’s helping.”

She opened her mouth, either to apologise or to ask questions, but he had absolutely no energy to deal with either.

“Bye,” he said and walked back to their table, thinking the ship for worrying about being rude had sailed for both of them anyway.

“That seemed to go well,” Gabriel commented when Jack got back.

“It went great. Now she’s scared of me instead.”

 

The morning was quiet. Gabriel didn’t make any attempts to start a conversation, and Jack followed his example. He watched the landscape outside, becoming painfully aware that he had never been outside of Indiana and had barely left his hometown at all.

“Where are we right now?”

“Left Illinois a little while ago. Ideally we’ll get to somewhere in Oklahoma today, and to New Mexico tomorrow. We’re picking up a few friends in Albuquerque.”

“Is there enough room?”

“It’s just three of them.”

They both fell silent again, Jack's thoughts spinning around the three mystery people and how he would handle that situation. Not well, presumably.

“Why are you driving across the entire country?” he finally asked to distract himself.

“High school friend who ended up in Ohio got married.”

“I mean, why are you  _ driving _ ?”

“She could have gotten married in Alaska and I wouldn’t have gotten on a plane. Plus I had some vacation time to use up.”

“What do you do?”

“Security, sort of.”

Jack considered it for a moment. “Bodyguard or mall cop?”

Gabriel chuckled. “Mall cop, but in a museum. I basically spend my day telling people not to touch things. It’s chill.”

Jack was itching to ask if the scars were work-related, but there was really no way he could justify that as not invasive.

Despite the slight awkwardness of their first attempt at small talk, Gabriel seemed to thaw and talked a little of his own accord, if not extensively. He told Jack a bit about the people who were going to join them - apparently all annoying to various degrees - then amused himself for a while with testing the limits of Jack’s bad Spanish when he caught him snickering at an insult he’d hurled at another driver who had cut him off, and sadly shut down all suggestions for driving games.

They made several stops throughout the day to fill up on drinks and food and gas but kept going other than that, Gabriel never seeming to tire while Jack dozed off eventually.

He woke up with his cheek pressed against the cold side window, momentarily confused by the complete silence until he realised they were parked.

Gabriel was asleep in the driver’s seat, and a fleece blanket was spread out sideways over him and Jack. He smiled at that, then sighed. According to his phone, it was still deepest night; but his tiredness was completely gone. He leaned back and closed his eyes but only managed half a minute of forced relaxation.

He opened the car door as quietly as he could and slipped outside, leaving the door ajar to not wake Gabriel. He walked a few steps, rubbing his arms in the night chill, and wondered where they were. It sure as hell wasn’t a proper rest stop; there were no buildings, no lights, no signs, only a handful of parking spaces by the roadside.

The sky was almost clear, and Jack tilted his head back to watch thin wisps of clouds travel along in the pale light of a crescent moon. He breathed deeply through the ever-present anxious hum in his chest, trying not to think about the next day.

He didn’t know how long he had stood there when a car door opened and closed behind him. Gabriel came towards him, the blanket wrapped tight around himself, and stopped a few steps away.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to be alone?”

“Not really.”

Gabriel nodded and closed the gap, standing right beside Jack and offering one end of the blanket to put around his shoulders.

“Thanks. Sorry, I tried not to wake you up.”

“Don’t think it was you. I was having weird dreams; I’m pretty sure this place is cursed.”

“Where exactly are we?”

“Not sure, to be honest. I know we’re going in the right direction, but I might have missed an exit.”

“Okay.” Jack closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the warmth of Gabriel’s body against his side. “Thanks for getting up. You didn’t have to.”

“Just wanted to make sure you hadn’t wandered off.”

Jack frowned. “My stuff’s still in the car; where would I go?”

Gabriel shrugged and didn't elaborate.

“Can I open the window on my side? It's too… closed otherwise, and I can't sleep.”

“Yeah, just not all the way. I don't want any possums or fuck knows what else they have out here crawling in.” He narrowed his eyes at Jack's answering laugh. “I know you country folk can handle shit like that, but I can't.”

“Really? Country folk?”

“Don't deny it, Jackie.”

“I'm gonna deny it if you make it sound like you picked me straight out of a cornfield or something.”

Gabe’s expression was one of incredulous amusement. “I know you weren’t paying a lot of attention, and I honestly didn’t mind idling for a minute until you finally noticed me, but there was a cornfield. Literally. Right. There.”

Jack opened his mouth to protest but realised he really had no idea if it was true or not, so he just shot Gabriel a withering glare and stalked back to the car.

Gabriel got in after him and turned the key in the ignition to allow him to roll down the window. He leaned back in his seat and gratefully accepted half of the blanket again.

“Good night, Gabe.”

“Sleep tight, farm boy.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's time to board the anxiety party bus
> 
> i'm very sorry, jack is not having a Good Time in this one. neither is gabe by extension.
> 
> a little bit of potentially uncomfortable death and slight gore mentioned near the end, i'm not sure if it's graphic enough to need a warning, please let me know if you'd prefer anything to be tagged in the proper taggy section
> 
> will try to finish the next chapter (which is going to be nicer) in a timelyish manner, but it might be a little while again

Jack couldn’t quite bring himself to talk beyond the bare necessities the next morning. Gabriel didn’t press him either, so they had breakfast and drove in silence. He watched Albuquerque appear on the signs, the distance steadily shrinking, while his brain played out increasingly disastrous scenarios for the meeting with Gabe’s friends. There were occasional intermissions where he managed to tell himself that these were normal people who would most likely just say hello and exchange pleasantries, but all in all he was close to googling ‘how to start a new life in albuquerque’ when Gabriel pulled into a parking lot and three people got up off the sidewalk to throw their bags in the trunk.

The woman, whom he recognised easily as Sombra from Gabe’s description, opened the passenger door and beamed at him. “Hey, I’m Sombra.”

“Hi. I’m Jack.”

“Shotgun.”

He stared at her expectant face in confusion for a moment until understanding dawned.

“Oh, right. Sorry.” He heard Gabriel growl ‘Sombra’ when she slipped into his seat and put her feet up on the dashboard after he had hastily grabbed his backpack and gotten out.

He rounded the car and got into the empty seat behind Gabe where he was greeted by Hanzo next to him and Jesse behind the passenger seat.

“She ain’t bein’ rude,” Jesse explained. “She gets sick in the back.”

“Don’t tell him my weakness!” Sombra complained from the front, then turned around and grinned at Jack. “He’s right, though. Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine.” He smiled at her and sank deeper into his seat when Gabriel started the car and Sombra turned away to start a conversation in rapid Spanish with him that Jack tuned out after understanding three words.

“Turns out Sombra’s already booked us into a hostel that sounds fucking horrible, so we just need to get there and sleep,” Gabriel said eventually.

“Give it up for Sombra making bad decisions unilaterally,” Hanzo muttered, earning him a scowl from her.

“You’re worse than Gabe. It’s gonna be fun!”

Before Hanzo could respond, Jesse leaned across him to look at Jack. “So Reyes picked ya up in Indiana?”

Jack filed what he assumed was Gabriel’s last name away for later and nodded.

“Never been over there. What’s it like?”

He shrugged, unsure what kind of descriptor Jesse was looking for. “Full of cornfields, apparently.” There was a snort from the driver’s seat, and he met Gabriel’s amused eyes in the rearview mirror.

“Did ya live on a farm then?”

“No,” Jack replied warily, tensing as he tried to gauge if Jesse was about to ask extremely uncomfortable questions about his living situation. He wasn’t sure if Hanzo shared his concerns or if he had just sensed his discomfort, but he noticed him nudge Jesse slightly. They both smiled at him.

He gritted his teeth and resisted the urge to check the rearview mirror again as he turned to the window, afraid to see Gabriel's reaction to his complete fucking inability to hold the most basic of conversations.

By the time he had convinced himself that asking some questions normal people asked when meeting someone for the first time probably wouldn’t invite any further invasive questioning in turn and he chanced a glance to the side again, Hanzo and Jesse were slumped against each other with their eyes closed, and Sombra was engrossed in her phone.

He went back to looking out the window, doing his best to ignore the litany of self-deprecating thoughts running through his head until they stopped for dinner from a drive-through that they ate in the car. Jesse talked about what they had been up to the past few days, and Jack felt like an intruder, unsure if appearing to be listening or not listening would be considered more rude. He did notice that they weren't trying to exclude him, but their efforts only made him feel worse. Once they were driving again, he considered feigning sleep but after some attempts realised he was too tense to even pretend to close his eyes.

Hours ticked away, feeling like several eternities that he spent watching the world outside fly past and wondering if it was normal to lose your words along with your footing. Or if he would find either again. Fear coiled its way up from his stomach when his mind latched onto that thought again.

Where was he going to be a month from now?

An image came to mind of himself sitting petrified on Gabriel's couch, staring transfixed at the front door, waiting for Gabriel to come home from work when he was already on the other side of the door, glaring at it, unwilling to enter and to see Jack still there, like a room you avoid because there's a large spider sitting on the wall that you don't have the heart to throw out but can't bear to look at either.

It was late when Gabriel finally parked in front of a grey building with peeling yellow lettering painted above the entrance that proclaimed it to be a ‘h stcl’.

Jack felt barely human by then, past the point where getting out of the confined space of the car brought more than a smidgen of relief.

He had to suppress a desperate laugh when he followed the others inside and noticed, half hidden under one of the withering shrubs lining the front of the building, a bird that had probably flown into one one of the windows. Of course.

Jack looked up as Gabriel fell into step next to him on their way down the hallway to their dorm after they had checked in and paid Sombra back for her booking.

“Alright, Jackie? Do you need anything?” he asked quietly.

With enormous effort, Jack forced his features into what he hoped passed for a smile. “I’m fine. Just tired; I’ll probably just have a shower and go to sleep right away.”

Gabe nodded and smiled back, although he didn’t even seem to try to hide the doubt in his eyes. “Just let me know.”

Their room was a 12-bed dorm with six numbered bunk beds, most of them occupied, judging by the personal belongings lying on or next to them.

Jack checked for the bed number on his room key and found his bunk on the bottom near the door. He looked for some fresh clothes and hurried to the showers, desperate for a moment alone.

He was relieved to see there were actual stalls, although the cold water was not a surprise. Still he barely felt it as he stood under the spray, forehead resting against the wall, his thoughts slowly settling. He needed to leave. He would wait until the others were asleep. He didn't know where to go. He would start at a bus or railway station. It would be fine. He would figure it out.

Eventually he felt calmer, albeit not better. Just resigned. He dried off and got dressed and went back to the room.

The others were all sitting on one bed when he entered the room, and Sombra elbowed Gabriel.

“See? Jack’s a reasonable person. Fuck off, Gabe, you need a shower.”

“Oh fine. Maybe you’ve suffered enough.” He got up with a groan to fetch a towel and clothes from his bag while Jack packed his things away. “You sure you don’t want to stay up with us for a while?” he asked on his way out with a jerk of his head at the other bed where Sombra patted the spot next to her, but Jack shook his head.

“Thanks, but I’m really beat. Good night, guys.”

He got into his bunk to a chorus of ‘good night, Jack’ and pulled the blanket over his head.

They hopefully wouldn't stay up much longer, and then he could disappear as if he’d never been here. Part of him wondered what Gabe would do in the morning. Shrug and move on?

Had anyone at home noticed that he was gone? One of the drunks at the bar would perhaps ask his father why Jack wasn't there, and he'd have forgotten both the question and the answer by the end of the night. There wouldn't be a missing persons report.

He imagined his father sitting at the kitchen table with a cop, still reeking of alcohol and cold smoke from working the night before.

“When did you last see your son?” they’d ask.

“Tuesday night,” he heard his father reply. “Left me this.” He pointed at his busted nose and the wound on his forehead. “Knocked me the fuck out.”

The cop looked at the stain of dried blood blending with the grime on the kitchen floor. Was it his father's or Jack's?

“You were fighting?”

“The kid’s fucked my accounts up. Knew I should've done it myself, but he’s been keeping the books the past few years, and used to do it well. He used to be a bright kid, you know. Got straight A’s. Anyway, it was just an argument, then the little shit snaps and starts throwing punches. Next thing I know I wake up on the floor and he’s gone.”

The cop nodded. “Could he be staying with extended family somewhere, to cool off?”

“Nah, it's just us ever since the cancer got my wife. If you ask me, the boy was either lucky and is halfway across the country now, calling himself Morris Jackson, or he got into some sicko's car and you're just gonna find his body in a shallow grave.”

Jack felt the earth around him. A shallow grave was still heavy, with dense soil, cold and damp, weighing down his arms and legs, pressing on his chest, stinging in his open eyes, clogging his nose and the back of his throat. He tried to breathe, tried to move, ignoring that he didn't need to do either anymore now that he was dead, it felt like he needed to. And why couldn’t he have just been left to rot by the roadside, some other unfortunate animal for company, its body a bloody smear on the road and a pair of broken eyes staring up at the sky.

He looked up as well, and there were so many stars. Had there always been this many? He used to know the names of most of them, but he couldn’t tell if the sky was wrong, if there were too many stars, or if his death had made him forget what it was supposed to look like. All he knew now was that the sight made the sky feel too heavy, almost as heavy as the earth and…

His eyes snapped open, and Jack found himself looking at the underside of the bunk above, trying to get his breathing under control. Annoyed, he wiped the tears from his eyes, hoping he had at least been quiet and not sobbing in his sleep.

He took a look around the room. The light was still on, it probably would be all night. A few of the beds were still empty, and he could hear laughter and other doors slamming from the hallway.

The others were all there. Sombra slept sprawled out on her back, Hanzo had abandoned his own bed for Jesse's, and Gabe was curled up on his side, hugging his pillow close.

Jack quietly put on his shoes and a hoodie, and after a moment of hesitation pulled a scrap of paper and a pen from his backpack before shouldering it.

 

_Thank you_

 

He put the note down carefully next to Gabe’s pillow and left the room.

The receptionist was reading when he got there but looked up as he put his room key on the counter.

“Oh, sorry. You checking out now?”

“Yeah, I gotta…” He wondered if it would be better to just go but then asked, “How far is it to the bus station from here?”

“Not too far, like a 15 minute walk maybe. Just turn left outside, take the next right, then walk until you get to the large building with the glass front and turn left again; you'll see it from there. Or you can call a cab from here?”

“No, walking sounds good. Thanks.”

He had almost reached the building with the glass front when a car drove up from behind and slowed down next to him.

“Jack.”

He stopped and closed his eyes. “The note wasn’t supposed to suggest that you come after me.”

“I know,” Gabe replied, parking on the other side of the road and getting out to join Jack on the sidewalk, crossing his arms. “Do you wanna tell me where you’re going?"

Jack shrugged without meeting Gabriel’s eyes. “Not sure.”

"And do you want to tell me why?"

He didn't even manage a shrug this time.

“Is it because of the others?”

“No, it's… they’re nice… I am sorry for…” For having as much personality as a brick.

“For what? Not feeling like providing stimulating conversation at the moment? Jack, they get that. They may be annoying, but they're good people, and not stupid. Not even McCree. No one's expecting you to host a fucking dinner party in my car and tell anecdotes from your youth.”

“It's not just that.”

“Then what?”

“Just… Everything. It won’t work. I don't know what to do.”

“You literally don't have to do a thing right now. Just sit there and don’t run off until we get to L.A.”

“And then?”

“Then you'll have to do something, yes, but how does leaving now change that?”

“It doesn’t."  

Gabriel sighed in exasperation and ran a hand through his hair. Only now did Jack notice how tired he looked. “I know you’re worried about what’s going to happen, but _please_ just try. Nothing’s set in stone, so if we realise after three days that it’s impossible for us to peacefully share an apartment, we’ll look for another solution. If all else fails, you can sleep on my abuela’s couch; that way at least I’ll know someone’s gonna be feeding and motherhenning you.” He took a deep breath. “Look, I get that you’re not comfortable with being dependent on anyone, I really do, but honestly, at this point you’d be doing me a favour by coming along.”

Jack stood in silence, gaze fixed on the pavement at his feet, repeating the words in his mind, realising that Gabriel might not actually consider shrugging and moving on an option.

“Would it help you sleep?” he asked eventually.

“ _Yes_.”

Jack nodded after another pause and slowly crossed the street to Gabriel’s car, hearing him mutter ‘gracias a Dios’ as he followed.

He cast another sideways glance at the bird as they entered the hostel again, looking away quickly when he noticed Gabriel’s sharp eyes on him.

The receptionist handed him his key back with a smile and without prompting.

“She tell you where I was going?” he asked on their way back to the room.

“Yeah. Thanks for leaving a trail.”

Jack didn’t bother pointing out that it hadn’t been his intention. He set his backpack down and sat on the bed to take his shoes off with Gabriel still hovering as he lay down.

“Want to share?” Gabriel asked suddenly.

Jack’s heart skipped a beat once he had processed the question. He meant to say no, but before he had fully formed all his worried thoughts about sending the wrong message, he found himself nodding and lifting one corner of the blanket, head filled with the memory of being so close, too exhausted to resist the need to feel that again, this time intentionally. Gabriel’s face lit up, and he kicked his shoes off and crawled under the blanket, shamelessly snuggling up to Jack.

“Are you doing this because the pillows here are too small and pathetic for you to cuddle, or because you’re trying to physically stop me from running away again?” Jack asked, hesitantly putting an arm around Gabe’s shoulders. He twitched when he felt the huff of a short laugh against the side of his neck.

“All of the above.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 4: the one in which i trample on canon's grave. sorry y'all.

The sound of a throat being cleared brought Jack back to semi-consciousness. He frowned in displeasure and pulled the warm, solid body in his arms closer.  
“Jack?”  
All grogginess vanished to be replaced by mortification when he blinked bleary eyes open only to look straight at Hanzo’s amused face. His first instinct was to pull away from Gabriel - not that there would have been any point as they could not have been more blatantly cuddling, chest to chest, or rather Gabe’s face buried in Jack’s chest, and arms wrapped around each other - but Hanzo held up a placating hand.  
“Don’t worry. I’m sorry for waking you. The others are already at breakfast, and we should see that we get back on the road soon. Could you try to wake Gabriel?”  
“Yeah, of course,” Jack replied, cheeks still burning. “Thanks for letting me know.”  
Hanzo smiled and disappeared from the room, leaving Jack to close his eyes for a second and take a deep breath.  
“To address the worries that I guess are making your heart race like that,” Gabriel said suddenly without moving from his position. “No, they won't silently judge you or say anything. Not about this, and not about last night if someone noticed we were gone.”  
“You’re awake.”  
“I am. Morning, Jackie.”  
“Morning.” He waited, but Gabriel still didn’t move. “Aren’t you getting up?”  
Gabriel hummed and finally pulled back, grinning as he stood. “You’re an excellent cuddler.”  
The blush returned with a vengeance, and Jack found himself tongue-tied, seeing no other option but to busy himself with rifling through his backpack for a fresh t-shirt.  
The breakfast was not too bad all things considered, although Gabriel shot Sombra a rather dirty look after taking his first sip of the coffee.  
They wasted no time in finishing, getting packed, and checking out. Once they reached the car, Gabriel tossed his keys to Hanzo.  
“You want to drive? Either the rest of the way or just for a bit. I need a break.”  
“No problem.”  
Sombra turned in the front seat to glare at Gabe after he had sat down between Jack and Jesse and crossed her arms. “You never ask me. I’m already sitting right here.”  
Gabriel narrowed his eyes. “You and McCree. You two ain’t driving, and you know why.” Turning to Jack, he added, “They stole my car.”  
“We didn’t steal it!” Sombra protested. “We borrowed it.”  
“That implies that you got permission and brought it back,” Gabe growled. “Neither of these things happened.”  
“We asked,” Jesse piped up.  
Gabriel rolled his eyes. “They texted me,” he explained. “When I hadn’t replied after 10 minutes, they broke into it, hotwired it, and were off. And then they just left it.”  
Sombra shrugged. “It wouldn’t start again. But we told him where it was parked.”  
“Where it _had been_ parked before it was towed.”  
She waved him off. “Details.”  
Gabriel huffed and leaned a little into Jack. “I’ll show you the dent that McCree left on the side next time we stop. He fucking signed it.”  
“I did what? Sombra…”  
“One of you,” Gabriel cut Jesse off loudly, pointing at him and Sombra, “dented my car and fucking _keyed_ McCree’s name in next to it. You’re lucky you’re still allowed within 50 feet of this vehicle.”  
Jack snickered at the identical pout on Sombra’s and Jesse’s face.  
“It’s hard to believe sometimes that I used to think you were cool,” Gabriel remarked.  
Sombra’s eyes lit up. “You did? I never knew that.”  
Gabe grinned. “I was about 10 when she moved into my neighbourhood, and she was a few years older,” he told Jack and looked questioningly at Sombra, who nodded.  
“Yeah, I was 15 when I got with my foster family there.”  
“She had a bright pink mohawk, wore all black and enormous amounts of makeup and jewellery. How could I not think she was cool?”  
Sombra snickered. “Honestly, that was such a look. I thrived on the disapproval.”  
“I don’t think you were referred to in our household as anything other than ‘that girl’, usually accompanied by disdainful tongue clicking.”  
“Aw, how sweet. Makes me feel bad I didn’t even know you existed; I could have led you astray much sooner than you managed it yourself.”  
“You never talked to each other back then?” Jack asked.  
Sombra waved a hand dismissively. “10 year old Gabrielito wasn’t even on my radar. We only became friends when he moved into the apartment next to mine, what, two years ago. I’m just getting my mail, and this huge guy who looks like a hitman scowls at me and asks if my name is Sombra. It was charming. I was _this_ close to stabbing him with my keys.”  
“I was not scowling.”  
“Oh, it’s okay. I know that’s your ‘neutral social’ face. I know _now_. The first thing I thought when you texted me about Jack was that you probably looked at him the same way, and I’m still amazed that he got into your car.” She nodded at Jack. “You’re a brave man.”  
“Thanks,” Jack replied with a slightly guilty sideways glance at Gabriel, secretly wondering about the exact content of that text.  
Jesse leaned forward. “Never knew that you knew each other before.”  
“We didn’t. Gabe just admired me from afar.”  
“I should never have said that,” Gabriel muttered. “She’d left by the time you moved there.” He turned to Jack, pointing his thumb at Jesse. “Now there’s someone who had not been considered cool by anyone even once in his life.”  
“Shut up, Reyes. Weren’t so hot yourself then. It was a bit after the…” he added to Jack and drew a finger across his cheek, mimicking the path of the largest of Gabriel’s scars.  
Jack tensed, wondering once again about Jesse’s filter. That didn’t seem like something to casually discuss over Gabe’s head.  
Gabriel sighed and explained, “I got up to a lot of trouble back then. Nothing too serious, and I never got caught, but a couple friends were heading down a path I didn’t really want to go. You know, the kind that eventually leads to gangs and prison and whatnot. Got into a fight with one of them over it, and, well. He brought a knife to a fist fight. In the end, neither of us came out of it looking too pretty, and we agreed to go our separate ways.” His expression darkened. “My family was… not amused. The whole thing probably fucked up my relationship with my parents for good, to be honest. I may have gotten my shit together afterwards, but they still don’t like looking me in the face.” He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. “Anyway, I was grounded forever, and when I came back out I had no choice but to befriend the new kid on the block. Scrawny loser with a ridiculous accent and a ridiculous cowboy hat.”  
“Hey.”  
“He still has the hat,” Hanzo commented.  
“He does? Shit, please tell me he doesn’t wear it.”  
Jack could see Hanzo’s smirk in the rearview mirror. “He does sometimes.”  
Gabriel looked scandalised. “Not… oh, fuck you. I didn’t need to know that.”  
“You asked.”  
“How did you and Hanzo meet?” Jack asked curiously.  
“He and I had first aid and fire safety training together,” Gabriel replied. “He works security too, but at the university library, which is arguably even more boring.”  
Hanzo didn’t protest, so Jack assumed it was true. “Gabriel eventually introduced me to Jesse.”  
“And I’m still regretting it.” Jack wasn’t sure what Jesse had done, but Gabriel winced. “Of course I couldn’t be happier for you both, but I used to like Hanzo. You’re a bad influence.”  
“He ain’t,” said Hanzo, causing Jesse to laugh and Gabe to sigh again.  
“Yeah, I’m not talking to you people anymore.” He leaned back and pointedly closed his eyes.  
The ensuing silence was comfortable, Jack decided. Nothing compared to the previous day.  
They made good progress. From the distance and how fast they were going, Jack guessed it would be maybe another one or two hours until they would reach L.A.  
He tried to categorise the feeling that the thought evoked. Definitely less dread than before. If he examined it too closely, he might even find a glimmer of optimism that he shied away from as fast as he could for fear of jinxing it.  
Once they had passed the city limits, he started getting jittery. His fingers were drumming a nervous rhythm on his knee while he stared outside, trying to take everything in. Too many buildings and people. Lots of palm trees.  
Eventually they stopped in front of a house in a residential area.  
“That’d be us,” Jesse said, and he and Hanzo made to get out. “See y’all later, take care.”  
They all said their goodbyes while Gabe got out and into the driver’s seat again.  
Jack’s heart was in his throat when they turned into a narrow driveway leading behind a grey two-storey building after another 15 minute drive and parked in the yard next to a few other cars.  
He got out of the car and waited for Gabriel and Sombra to get their bags from the trunk, looking around like a lost puppy. Sombra grinned at him as they went inside.  
“You made it all the way from your cornfield without ending up in a ditch, can you believe it?”  
He chuckled. “Not quite yet.”  
She and Gabriel both got their mail from the letterboxes in the hallway and went up the stairs where Sombra waved at them.  
“See you later.”  
He followed Gabriel through the door next to hers into a dim apartment. Gabriel opened the blinds, allowing sunlight to flood the room, and Jack looked around curiously. The place was fairly neat and clean, with a large couch in the middle of the room, TV and bookshelf and a guitar in one corner, dining table in the other, and kitchen in the third.  
“So… that’s it. Welcome. That’s your bed. And the kitchen. Bathroom is here.” He opened one of the rooms leading off the other side of the room. “This is my room.” The next door.  
Jack nodded uncertainly. He felt out of place in the unfamiliar surroundings, like his brain hadn’t quite processed what he was doing and how he had gotten here.  
Gabriel tilted his head and looked closely at him. “Are you okay?”  
“Yeah, I’m okay. It just all feels a bit… surreal. I don’t know.”  
“It’s gonna sink in eventually.” He sat down on the couch. “How tired are you?”  
Jack shrugged and joined him. “Not at all. A bit too anxious to be tired, to be honest.”  
“Then maybe we’ll get back in the car and do the grocery shopping and all that for next week, and later this afternoon I’ll give you a tour of the neighbourhood, so you’ll find your way around?”  
“Sounds good.”  
“I’m back to work on Monday, so we’ve got the rest of the weekend to do tourist stuff.”  
“You don’t have to do that, really.”  
“Oh no, you ain’t getting out of that. You can’t live here without having seen, I don’t know, the big ass Hollywood sign, Disneyland, whatever.”  
Jack frowned. “We’re not going to Disneyland.”  
“Fine, no Disneyland. What do you want to do?”  
He hesitated. “How far is it to the sea?”  
“Half an hour.”  
That made him perk up. “Can we go?”  
Gabriel grinned. “Yeah, of course. You want to ask the others as well?”  
“Might be nice. I really just want to… I’ve never been to the seaside.”  
“Nowhere at all?”  
He laughed at the incredulous tone. “Gabe, I’ve left my hometown exactly once in my life before. When I was seven years old, to visit my mom’s dad in Fort Wayne. And that was because he was dying, which kinda ruled out any future visits.”  
“Oh.” Gabriel looked concerned for a moment, then shook his head and eyed Jack critically. “We need to pick up several bottles of sunblock for you.”

The afternoon passed quickly for Jack. He saw the big grocery store, the small convenience store, the gas station, the hospital, the church, the park. He learned where he shouldn’t go at night (the park) and where he shouldn’t go in the morning (the hospital). Gabriel cooked dinner, and Jack found out why he’d given him an odd look at the grocery store before picking up the bigger jug of milk.

When it started getting late, he made up his bed on the couch. He had just pulled the covers up to his chin when Gabriel stopped at his bedroom door and turned around.  
“Do you want to share?” His tone was casual, but Jack got the impression that he had been the slightest bit hesitant about asking.  
He could see why. He wanted to say yes, but the thought that the situation was different now held him back. The other beds had been neutral ground. Sharing a bed that didn't belong to anyone seemed fine, but this was Gabriel's bed in Gabriel's bedroom in Gabriel's apartment.  
“Maybe not,” he finally said, hard as it was.  
Gabriel nodded. “No problem, I get it. If you change your mind or can't sleep _or_ feel the urge to run away, just come in.”  
“Okay, thanks.”  
It took Jack no more than five minutes to decide that he hated Gabriel's ceiling. It was a completely normal white ceiling, with a completely normal lamp slightly off center, but something about its unfamiliarity was constricting and made him feel small. He closed his eyes, trying to block out the feeling, and just listened. He could hear cars, music, occasional sirens, voices, footsteps. It was as unfamiliar as the ceiling, but less oppressive.  
Eventually he drifted off, only to wake up some time later from a dream he mostly couldn't remember. He had been lying in a cornfield, seeing sunspots behind his closed eyes and tracing cracks in the warm, dry ground with his fingers, but when he’d opened his eyes to look at the sky, it had been Gabriel's ceiling instead.  
He lay wide awake now and stared at the actual ceiling again while picking absentmindedly at a loose thread on the seam of the covers.  
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the bedroom door. Somehow he stopped thinking at that point. He gathered up his blanket and pillow, padded across the cool tile floor, and carefully pushed the door open.  
“Gabe?” he whispered into the dark room.  
His courage was well on its way to leave him when a sleepy ‘hmm’ answered.  
He made his way to the bed and winced when he got close enough to see Gabriel’s face. Awake, but not particularly happy about it.  
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have…”  
“Just get in,” Gabriel muttered and closed his eyes again.  
Feeling more and more like this had been a terrible idea, Jack crawled into bed, but stilled when he suddenly registered that he could see a lot more skin than ever before.  
“Are you naked?”  
Gabriel’s eyes opened again. “What?” Then after a moment, “Oh. No. My shirt is somewhere.” He gestured half-heartedly at the direction of the pile of clothes Jack had just stepped across. “I’ll put it on-”  
“No, that’s okay. Sorry. I just… it’s okay.”  
“If you’re sure.” With that he was gone again.  
Jack lay down, reached out, and, after a moment of hesitation, laid his hand on Gabriel’s bare back. Gabriel’s eyes snapped open again, and this time Jack thought he read surprise rather than annoyance in them. Perhaps he had misunderstood him, and he’d just meant sleeping in his bed, and not actually cuddling. Before he could pull back, an apology at the tip of his tongue, Gabriel closed his eyes again and wrapped his free arm around Jack to pull him closer.  
Jack relaxed slightly, his focus shifting back to the novel sensation of warm, soft skin under his fingers. He wondered if this held any kind of significance for Gabe. As far as he knew, he only wanted him close because he just liked to cuddle, and so he would notice if Jack tried to run off again, but this felt more intimate. Then again, perhaps a hand on his naked back was a completely normal feeling for him, no different than a handshake. The thought caused conflicting emotions to well up. A jealous part of him wanted this to mean something to Gabriel, although he wasn’t quite sure what, and at the same time he envied him for being comfortable enough with himself to casually allow such close contact.  
“You're a very loud thinker,” Gabriel interrupted his train of thought.  
“I didn't say anything.” He paused. “Did I?”  
“Not with words, no. I can feel your thoughts running away with you.”  
Jack felt Gabriel’s fingers press gently into the tense muscles along his back and shoulders and realised he was lying stiff as a board again. He forced himself to drop his shoulders and relax, vaguely offended when his efforts earned him a chuckle from Gabriel.  
“Convincing,” he commented drily. “Anything that can be done about the root?”  
“No.” The last thing he wanted to discuss now was how Gabe felt about his hands. “I think I can sleep now.”  
“You better. Night, Jackie.”  
“Night, Gabe.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay there isn't much happening, i just wanted to let you know i ate'nt dead before we get back on the anxiety party bus after this chapter
> 
> sorry it took forever, i've got bits and pieces written up and/or thought up for the coming chapters, but it might take a little while again because i need three hours per sentence to find the right words and i actually hate writing and want to do everything but write tbh
> 
> ENOUGH ABOUT THAT AND ON TO ACTUALLY IMPORTANT THINGS:  
> in case that's not the reason you're here in the first place, please go look at hinoart.tumblr.com and marvel at the amazingly wonderful fanart they drew for this story, it's the absolute best and i gaze at it lovingly every day <3333

Jack woke up with his head pillowed on Gabriel’s chest. He was evidently awake as he was holding his phone in one hand and stroking Jack’s shoulder with the other.

“Morning.”

The fingers on his shoulder stilled. “Morning. Guess who’s going to the beach today.”

Jack smiled and sat up. “Is it me?”

“It is,” Gabriel replied with an answering smile. “Sombra is gonna come by later, and Hanzo says maybe. McCree’s still asleep.”

They had a long and, as Jack noticed then, late breakfast, and he felt slightly ridiculous for being so giddy with excitement, but when he got out of the car later and saw the expanse of white sand and blue sea shining in the sunlight, he thought it might have been justified after all.

Gabriel observed his awe with amusement. “Meet your expectations?”

“God, yes. It’s so… there’s so much water. Are there sharks and stuff?”

“Don't get your hopes up.” He frowned. “Can you even swim? Because I’m not sure they make floaties your size.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “Funny. But yeah, I can. I think. Haven’t done it in a few years, but it’s one of those things you don’t forget, right?”

“You’ll probably be fine. I’m sure someone’s gonna save you if you aren’t.”  He grinned at Jack’s offended grumble and took his shirt off before sitting down and starting to apply sunscreen.

“Can you do my back?”

He caught the sunscreen bottle that Gabriel tossed to him and shuffled to sit behind him. Remembering last night’s musings, he thought it was possible that people in the sunnier states just didn’t have any fear of contact if everyone oiled each other up on a daily basis. He took care to cover every spot from the nape of Gabriel's neck down to the waistband of his shorts, doing his best to view the act as clinical rather than intimate, before shuffling back into his original position next to him.

“Thanks,” Gabriel said with a slight curl of his lips and an odd look.

“What? Did I do it wrong?”

“Not at all. Pretty sure that was the most thorough lotioning I’ve ever gotten.”

Jack blushed. “You have to be thorough, don’t you?”

“I’m not complaining. Teach Sombra how to do it properly later.”

He squashed the worry that he’d made things weird down with some effort and turned his attention back to the sea while Gabriel stretched out on his towel and closed his eyes.

Watching the waves roll onto the beach was calming, and Jack wasn't sure how long he had just sat there until he became aware that he was subconsciously fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt. He had managed to avoid being shirtless in front of anyone for seven years, but the shirt felt painfully out of place now. He glanced at Gabe, thinking back to what he had said about his parents not wanting to look at him and figured he didn’t envy him for not even having the option to hide his scars. He took a deep breath. If he was going to get rid of the shirt, it would have to be now while it was at least just the two of them.

That thought finally made his muscles cooperate, and for a moment he sat very still, trying to get over the sudden feeling of vulnerability.

A thwack against his arm caused him to startle, and he looked over at Gabriel, who pointed wordlessly at the bottle of sunscreen he had just thrown at him. Jack frowned.

“What do you think I was doing when you sent me off to the bathroom with that at home and told me not to come back out until half the bottle was empty?”

Gabriel sat up and studied Jack. “No offence, but you’re one of the whitest people I have ever seen. There’s no way one coating is enough for you.” He squinted and leaned closer, Jack leaning away in turn. “It’s even worse in direct sunlight. I can literally see your veins.”

“Those are bruises,” Jack muttered and crossed his arms.

“That's not a bruise,” Gabriel replied and pointed at a spot just below Jack’s collarbone where a hint of blue was visible.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, that’s normal,” Jack growled but picked up the bottle. Once he was done with the front, he held it out with a glare. “You gonna do my back?”

“Of course.”

Jack closed his eyes and held his breath, tensing when he felt the cool lotion and Gabe’s warm hands on his shoulders. He would be looking right at the line of pale cigarette burn scars running down the side of his back, and the anticipation of comments made his stomach clench.

“Breathe, Jackie,” was all he said, and when it was clear nothing else was coming, Jack managed to draw in a gasp of air and relax slightly.

Gabriel lay back down and closed his eyes again when he was done, without giving any indication that he had seen anything; and after a few minutes, once he felt less sticky with sunscreen, Jack followed his example, dozing off after a while.

 

“I was sure you’d have turned into a human lobster by now.”

He opened his eyes and looked up into Sombra’s frowning face hovering upside down above his own.

“And you’re disappointed that I haven’t?”

“She’s disappointed because she owes me five bucks.”

“What? Why?” Jack looked back and forth between Sombra’s scowl and Gabriel’s smirk, and his eyes widened. “You bet on my sunburn? Seriously? That’s like six kinds of insensitive.”

“Aww, don’t take it personally. It just seemed inevitable.” Sombra grinned at him before kicking off her flip flops and stripping down to her bikini and sitting down on Gabriel's other side.

Jack huffed and sat up, looking critically at his arms. He glared at Gabriel.

“So that’s why you were nagging?”

He laughed. “Oh, come on. I would have been worried about your European noble skin either way. That was just… Don’t give me that look. I’ll split with you, okay? Or… I’ll buy you ice cream?”

Jack’s glare became half-hearted. “Fine. But stop exaggerating. I’m not that pale.”

He ignored the look Sombra and Gabriel exchanged and glanced around, watching the people around them while absent-mindedly raking his fingers through the dry sand and letting the fine grains trickle through them.

He was vaguely aware of Sombra and Gabriel talking in Spanish for a while, only understanding ‘cállate’ of Gabriel's growled answers.

Suddenly Gabriel got up, grabbed Sombra in a fireman's carry and marched off towards the sea while she laughed maniacally. Jack stared after them, wondering what he had just missed. He blinked up at Gabriel when came back alone and dripping wet.

“What did she do?”

Jack thought he could see the slightest blush on Gabriel’s cheeks. “You didn’t understand any of that?”

“Sombra speaks about a hundred words a second. I gave up on her after the first sentence and just let it wash over me now.”

“I wish I could do that.” He sat back down next to Jack with a groan.

“Why, what did she say?”

“Nothing. She was just being annoying.”

There was a definite blush now, and Jack was burning with curiosity how Sombra had managed to fluster Gabe that much, but he figured he would be nice and let it go.

He could make out Sombra out among the other people in the water by her hair and watched for a while until she came back and beamed at him.

“Have you been in yet? Wait, can you swim? I’m not sure if they make the little blow up swimming things large enough to fit those guns of yours.”

Jack opened his mouth, then closed it again and raised an eyebrow at Gabriel.

“You know, for all you claim that she’s annoying, I’m seeing a lot of similarities.”

“Take that back or I’m throwing you in as well.”

He raised his chin defiantly. “I’d like to see you try.”

Gabriel gave him a long, calculating look. Sombra cackled.

“He won’t. I would never let him live it down if he threw out his back or something trying to carry you, and he knows it.”

“I’m not that heavy.”

“Oh please. You're all muscle, you probably weigh like a ton. Seriously, how? Is there something in the corn over there?”

Jack rolled his eyes. “Yes, it’s all the corn. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And the cow tipping of course; plus I pick them back up after because I’m a nice fucking person.”

Sombra gasped and brought a hand to her chest. “Now you’re mocking me? You really _should_ be thrown to the sharks. Do it, Gabe.”

He chuckled and got up. “It’s okay, I’ll go willingly.”

“In that case, go with him and make sure he doesn’t drown, Gabe.” She added something in Spanish that put a scowl back on Gabriel’s face as he stood and followed Jack towards the water.

“What did she say?”

“Nothing.”

Jack turned back to Sombra and called, “What did you say?”

“Nothing,” she replied before waving at him and lying down.

“Not fair,” he muttered.

“Learn more Spanish,” Gabriel said with a shrug and smirked at Jack’s annoyed look. “Honestly, 98% of what she says is garbage, and I’ll repeat the other 2, okay?”

“Was she talking about me?”

“No, about me.”

Still not quite happy, Jack took his first step into the sea and flinched. “Shit, that’s cold.”

“What were you expecting, a bathtub?”

“Well… yeah, pretty much.”

Gabriel laughed. “Fuck, now I’m just itching to actually push you in all the way.”

“Don’t you dare.” He took a few more steps until he was in up to his knees, then stopped. Gabriel was slowly walking backwards while facing him, looking like he was having the time of his life.

“Come on, Jackie. It’s not even that cold, and it gets better once you’re in. Just a couple more steps and you’re past the worst part.”

“I don’t want the worst part.” Nevertheless, he took three more small steps, wincing when the water lapped at the hem of his swim shorts. “Couldn’t you have lent me one of those full body suits instead of these? They keep people warm, right?”

“You still gotta get wet all over. Come on, one more step?”

Jack squeezed his eyes shut and took a large step forward, shivering when the fabric of the shorts got soaked and clung to his skin.

“Fuuuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Thanks for taking me to the worst bathtub in the world.”

Eyes still closed, he heard a chuckle and a splash in front of him and nearly shouted when he was pulled into a brief but very cold and wet hug.

“You’re so very welcome.”

He wrapped his arms around himself and glared at Gabe, who grinned back unrepentantly.

He would rather have died than admitted it, but going forward was easier after that. He managed several more minutes at times completely submerged before he decided the sharks could go fuck themselves if they weren’t going to show.

“You’re never setting foot into the sea again, are you?” Gabriel asked while they were walking back to their spot.

“Depends. Does it get warmer?”

“Never.”

Jack shook his head. “God. You live in the worst place in the world.”

They had reached Sombra, who looked up at that. “Didn’t have any fun?”

“The water is too cold, and he’s disappointed because nothing tried to eat him.”

“Nothing at all? You could have tried harder, Gabrielito.”

Jack opened his mouth, but Gabriel shook his head. “The 98% apply to English as well.”

Before he could say any more, Gabriel held out the sunscreen bottle again.

“Are you serious? Again? It says water resistant.”

Gabriel neither answered nor moved.

Jack crossed his arms.

“Do you want me to do your front and back?” Gabriel asked mildly, still without moving.

Jack blushed and snatched the bottle from his hand as Sombra snickered.

Once he was finished with his face, chest, arms, and legs, he turned to continue with Gabriel’s back without comment.

Sombra watched them with interest, then said something.

Gabriel hummed. “Sí, es posible.”

“What’s possible?” Jack asked.

“Nothing,” answered Sombra, drawing one knee to her chest and resting her chin on it while she watched him and Gabriel switch places.

“You’re both the worst.”

“98%” said Gabriel with a consoling pat on Jack’s back.

“What’s 98%?”

“Of what you say that I don’t need to understand.”

She looked thoughtful. “He’s pulled that number out of his ass, but it might not be far off anyway.”

“Comforting.”

“Speaking of ass,” Sombra continued after a moment while Gabriel finished off Jack's back, “I texted Jesse to ask if they were coming and he said they weren’t going out today and to thank you for reminding Hanzo of the hat.”

Gabriel paused for a moment in applying sunscreen to his left arm. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“You’re welcome.”

They stayed the rest of the afternoon and evening, Gabriel keeping his promise of ice cream after being reminded by Sombra, and it was late when Jack stepped out of the shower and eventually had to face the decision of where he was going to sleep.

He stood in the bedroom doorway for a while, waiting for Gabe to look away from his phone and say something.

“I can’t tell if you’re waiting for an invitation or a rejection,” he muttered finally, without looking up.

“Either, I guess.”

Gabriel sighed and put the phone down on the bedside table. “Come in, Jack.”

He held a hand up when Jack perked up and got ready to join him. “Just so we’re clear, that’s a standing invitation. No more awkward hovering, especially not in the middle of the fucking night, okay?”

Jack nodded before lying down. “Okay.”

Gabriel nodded, apparently satisfied, and buried his face against Jack’s chest in what seemed to be his favourite position. “Good day?”

“I just washed sand out from literally everywhere.”

“And you sound so happy about it. Enjoy it while you can, it’s gonna lose its magic fast.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh oh oh time to accelerate because no one wants to read nine chapters about Jack going stir-crazy (and i sure af don't want to write them)
> 
> Next chapter is like 50% written and 99% planned, so hopefully it won't take forever to get it done, and i tentatively promise it's gonna be better than this one

The next day went far too quickly. The awareness that this was his last little bit of reprieve before Gabriel went back to work while he would be on his own was looming in the back of Jack's mind, and any attempts to distract himself from it were moderately successful at best. He did see some more of the city as Gabriel kept his threat of taking him to do tourist stuff, but he clearly noticed that Jack’s heart wasn’t in it and didn't push it.

He was grateful that at least the sleeping issue had been settled once and for all; so all he had to deal with in the evening were his confusing feelings about the situation, and he decided to deal by ignoring to the best of his abilities.

 

Monday was predictably uneventful apart from the apartment being oppressively empty without Gabriel. Jack went through job listings, submitting his résumé anywhere he thought he might be vaguely qualified for, wondering if anyone would bother to reply, beyond automated ‘thank you for your application’ emails.

He started puttering about the apartment in the afternoon looking for something to clean but only found a few hidden dusty corners. Having taken care of those, he got started on dinner and nearly wept with relief when he heard Gabriel's key in the lock. 

“How was your first day back?” he asked during dinner.

“Okay. Three lost children, several more lost adults, and one drunk guy shouting at a cave bear skeleton telling the fucking dog to fight him.”

“Sounds good.”

“How was yours?”

“Eh.” Jack shrugged. “Submitted a lot of applications online, will probably hear nothing. I just… I don’t know.”

“What are you looking for?”

“Mostly retail and food. Really the only things I know anything about. Not that I could list my dad’s bar anywhere since I wasn’t actually legally allowed to work there. It’s a family owned restaurant now.” He grimaced.

Gabriel snorted. “Right.”

“I’m just not sure where to start. I wouldn’t know where to go to ask directly, plus I’m probably not making the best first impression at the moment,” he muttered, gingerly poking the bruise around his eye.

“There are some places where you can check, but yeah, maybe give it a few more days. You’re already yellowing around the edges, though, so I'm sure you're gonna be fine soon.”

They ate in silence for a while longer until Gabriel spoke again.

“Are you okay by yourself? If you need company during the day, I don’t think Sombra would mind you coming over. The nerd works from home, so she’s usually in.”

“Okay, thanks. Maybe I'll go tomorrow."

 

He did not go. He made it as far as Sombra's door before thinking that working from home was still work and his non-working self shouldn't bother her.

On Wednesday, he got one rejection and heard nothing from any of the other places.

On Thursday, he tried a few addresses that Gabriel had given him and found a few more stores with ‘help wanted’ signs. He wasn’t sure if they were looking at him as doubtfully as he felt they did.

On Friday, he went back online and searched again with lower standards.

On Saturday, Gabriel asked if he'd like to come with him to see Hanzo and Jesse but eventually begrudgingly accepted Jack's excuses and went on his own.

On Sunday, he accepted Jack's excuses again but this time refused to go out and stayed home with Jack instead.

On Monday, Jack realised that an infuriatingly optimistic but well-hidden part of his mind had had some hope that someone from the week before would get back to him. He stared at his silent phone while the afternoon ticked by, anxiety rising slowly with every breath he took. He stood up abruptly and paced back and forth in the room, trying to get himself under control. Cold water from the bathroom sink helped for a short moment until he straightened up and looked at his face in the mirror.

Anger bubbled up inside him at the sight, at the way it seemed to reflect every single stupid thing he had ever thought, said, or done; the latest one being to think he could make this work, to come here when he had already known that he was a complete fucking failure. It had been clear from the start that leaving home would lead nowhere; but the situation now, with someone trying to support him when it was so utterly pointless, was somehow worse than expected, perhaps because he hadn't expected it.

He knew that Gabriel's patience was wearing thin; it wasn't hard to guess. He assured Jack every night that he couldn't expect everything to be settled within a few days - and intellectually he knew that was right - but Jack could have sworn that the sigh before he did so got longer with every day. He didn't know if Gabriel was frustrated with his presence or his worry, but it wasn't like either was likely to change soon; so in Gabe's shoes, he'd want himself gone. If he was honest, even in his own shoes he wanted himself gone.

The thought finally brought him out of his stupor, and with a last scornful glance at his reflection, he left the apartment as fast as he could.

After wandering up and down the road aimlessly for a while, he eventually settled down on a bench at the edge of the park across the street, drawing his knees to his chest and burying his head in his arms.

He supposed sucking dick for ten bucks was still on the table as an option; he just wondered if there was a way to do that without Gabriel knowing. Without conscious decision, his brain started spinning elaborate plans to lie about finding a job, to lie about finding somewhere to live, to start avoiding Gabe. He figured a few texts at the beginning that he was doing okay and was busy at work would do, and he could let it taper off after that. It would be normal. The city was big enough that running into him by chance wasn't likely, so it wouldn't really matter what happened to him. He started considering his funds again, calculating how long they would last, how much he could allocate for food each day until he would be completely broke.

 

“You okay there?”

He lifted his head and blinked, surprised that the sun had set by now and wondering where the last few hours had gone.

“You lost?” Only now did he register the man who had spoken and who was standing a few feet away on the sidewalk.

“I’m okay.”

“Right.” He didn’t sound convinced. “Well, there’s a hospital just there if you need one.” With that he walked on, leaving Jack by himself. With a wince, he realised that Gabe would be long home by now and fished his phone out of his pocket, heart dropping when he saw three texts and two missed calls.

 

_Gonna bring home takeout, want anything in particular? - 17:17_

 

_Sombra says ur not home, can u feed urself? - 17:32_

 

_Let me know if u need me to come pick u up somewhere - 20:58_

 

One missed call after the first and one after the last text. Jack chewed on his bottom lip and stared at the texts. He didn’t sound angry, but it had been another half hour since he’d last tried to call him, so he might be by now. Should he wait until he called again or just go home now and apologise? Part of him wanted to avoid that confrontation for as long as he could; perhaps wait until Gabriel was asleep and then sneak in. Wait until the next day when Gabriel was at work. Better yet, wait until Gabriel was at work and get his stuff and disappear forever. He sighed and stood up to avoid drifting off again.

Looking across the street at the house, he could see that most of the windows were illuminated; although now that he considered it, he wasn't even sure if Gabriel's apartment faced this way or the other side. He thought about it for a moment and tried to remember, then shook his head angrily. Stalling and wasting time would only make things worse; and his father hadn’t raised a coward, he thought with a bitter smile and made his way back. He hesitated another moment in front of the apartment door before straightening his back and opening it.

Gabriel looked up from where he was sitting and smiled. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Jack replied cautiously, not moving from his spot, so tense that his legs were starting to cramp.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “Coming in?”

Jack nodded stiffly and took a step forward and closed the door behind him.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer. I wasn’t… I didn’t realise it was so late.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just thought you might have gotten lost somewhere.” He paused. “Or mugged. Or shot.”

A small laugh escaped Jack, and some of the tension drained from his body.

“Did you eat?”

“I’m okay.”

Gabriel frowned. “Is that a no? If you’re hungry, there should still be some leftovers in the freezer.”

“I’m okay,” Jack repeated. “I’m not… I’ll just head to bed, I think.”

“Alright,” Gabriel conceded. “I won’t be up much longer either.”

Jack felt strangely numb while he brushed his teeth and then settled into bed, but he figured spending hours completely zoned out without moving and then producing a month’s worth of adrenaline within ten minutes for apparently no reason at all would have to have some sort of weird effect on a body.

Gabriel joined him a while later and, to Jack’s surprise, pulled him to his chest and rested his chin on the top of his head, opposite to the way they usually went to sleep. He noticed with detached interest that his chest would have been close enough to lick if he’d wanted to do that and shook his head slightly to get rid of the thought, feeling Gabe’s beard tangle with his hair as he did so.

“About earlier,” Gabriel said suddenly, and guilt took over again immediately.

“I’m sorry I didn’t check my -”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” Gabriel interrupted, his gruff tone causing Jack to snap his mouth shut. “Or, sort of. I just want to be sure that you get that you don’t have to… report to me or anything. You don’t have a curfew. You can do whatever you want.”

“But…?” Jack prompted when he didn’t continue.

“No, that’s it.”

“Oh.” He relaxed slightly. “Okay.”

Gabriel still felt more tense under his hands than normal, and he was at a loss as to what to do about that since he obviously didn’t want him to apologise again.

“All I’m saying is you don’t need to look at me the way you did when you got home because of this. Or anything else for that matter,” Gabriel finally said, sounding as though he had been chewing on those words for the past few minutes of silence.

“ _Oh_ ,” Jack said again when understanding began to dawn. He took a deep breath, trying to come up with a fitting apology for that part.

“It’s alright, you don’t have to explain. I was just… yeah.”

He didn't seem to know how to continue, and Jack found himself too tired to try and come up with a reply. Wordlessly, he rested his forehead against Gabe's chest, feeling his arms tighten briefly around him in response, and closed his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all so much for your comments and everything <333
> 
> Tiny p much completely angst-free chapter where nothing much happens. Jack is suffering under Sombra a little, but SHE'S HELPING.

The next morning brought more brooding, though slightly less desperate than the day before. Around half ten, a knock on the door interrupted him; and he opened it to find Sombra grinning up at him.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Hi," he replied and stepped aside to let her in. When she sat down on the couch, he frowned. "Did Gabe send you to check up on me?"

She waved him off dismissively. "Nah, I sent myself. Just thought you might want some company. Watcha doing? Checking for new jobs?" She looked at his laptop screen. “On… Craigslist? You’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel now, huh?”

He sat down next to her with a sigh. “I’ve already been through the entire barrel, I’m just starting over from the bottom. It's not looking too good, though.” He scrolled slowly down the page. “Can’t apply because I can’t drive, can’t apply because I don’t have a uterus, applied, applied even though I’ve never walked a dog in my life, can’t apply because I can’t drive, can’t apply because the ‘assistant’ he’s looking for should be a ‘sexy, open-minded, fun female’, although the free rent would be a perk.”

Sombra snorted. “If that’s what you want to do, just be Gabe’s assistant.”

“He doesn't need assisting with anything, I think?”

She shot him an incredulous look and opened the ad. “Setting appointments, organizing, cleaning, cooking, massages. Everyone needs assistance with those.”

“Gabe won’t let me cook. I did last Monday, and he thanked me afterwards and very politely asked me to not do it again.”

“But I’m sure you’d do a great job with his penis.”

Jack kept his eyes fixed on the screen as he felt his cheeks and ears heat up. “It’s not like that,” he mumbled.

“Can't do the job if you don't apply. But alright, I’ll drop it. And I won’t mention the ‘men seeking men’ tab I can see there either because I’m such a good friend.”

Jack shrugged without bothering to close the tab, although he felt the blush intensify. “Thought someone might be looking for an assistant there.”

“And you look thrilled to be considering it. How about you just stick with the dogwalking as your more adventurous job option for now?” She pulled his laptop closer to her side of the coffee table to switch the tab. “You _could_ get your dick sucked or a free massage out of this, though.”

He rolled his eyes and pulled the laptop back. “I don’t want either.”

“Then why is the link to ‘Hung. Nice guy. Warm touch’ purple?”

“I was just… checking.”

She raised an eyebrow; then her face split into a wide grin. “Aww, it made you think of Gabe, didn’t it?”

“You said you’d drop it.”

She raised her hands, although the grin remained unchanged. “Okay, okay. It wasn't him, was it?"

"Course not."

"Hmm, far less pretty I bet."

Jack inhaled deeply. "You're really not good at dropping matters, are you?"

"Not when I'm that interested in the matter, sorry. I'll leave it alone now, I promise. I promise to try anyway."

Jack gave her a doubtful glance and turned his attention back to the most recent listings, frowning as he went. "I just want to be taken away to some place where I don't have to worry about finding a job," he muttered.

Sombra snickered and put her feet up on the table. "They'll take you eventually, nerd. But honestly, you really don't have to be so worried about this."

"Yeah, it's just my livelihood and future, why would I ever be worried."

"Okay, fair enough. Still, it's been  _one week_ , Jack. These things take time. I once applied somewhere where they needed help urgently according to the ad, and they called me back after almost two months. I thought they'd just hired someone else in the meantime who quit, but nope, they had just been overworking and understaffing and twiddling their thumbs while they were waiting for the absolutely perfect application until they finally figured it wouldn't come and settled."

Jack had looked at her in horror when she had mentioned the two months. "I... I honestly can't tell if you're trying to help by telling me that or the opposite."

"Oh," she said after looking puzzled for a second. "Right, perspective. I'm sure it won't take two months for you. But even if it does, it's not like Gabe's gonna throw you out."

He shook his head and buried his face in his hands. "Please stop trying to be helpful and comforting. I'm already getting on his last nerve, I can't be here two months."

"Why would you think that?" she asked, sounding genuinely confused now. "He's actually been looking pretty cheerful. Also very well-rested."

"Okay, so maybe not the very last nerve," Jack conceded. "But he's definitely getting a bit exasperated."

"You know," Sombra said slowly and sat up straight, "There's a theory I've had for a while now, and it's nice to finally be able to share it with someone." She scooted closer, and Jack leaned down towards her, thrown by her suddenly very earnest expression. "Do you know why Gabe is so big?"

"Uhm... because he works out a lot?"

"Okayyy, but why?"

"I don't know? For fun? For work?"

She scoffed. "Yeah, I'm sure he needs to be in peak physical shape to guard those old pots and pans. No no no, it's so he can give really good hugs to make up for the fact that he feels like he's not good at comforting people with words."

Jack blinked. "... Are you serious?"

"Yes," she said, grinning.

"You're terrible," he grumbled and leaned back, crossing his arms.

"I'm not kidding! I've met his abuelita, and she's a big woman. Not big like him, actually pretty short, but warm and squishy, and she gives the most amazing hugs. You'll meet her sooner or later, and she'll hug you, and you'll love it, and I swear to you, you will know immediately who taught Gabe how to hug."

"So what, you're saying he decided the bigger the hugger, the better the hugs, and just went from there?"

"I guess?"

"I..." Jack stared at Sombra in confusion. "Okay... I feel like putting too much thought into that theory is going to be pointless, but... what does it have to do with anything again?"

"Damn it, Jack, keep up. Because Gabrielito is already hugging the fuck out of you with his perfectly honed skills and he's worried that it's still not enough. And your paranoid ass thinks every littlest frown of his is directed at you personally, no offence."

Jack opened his mouth and looked at her for another long moment, then shook his head, deciding Sombra was not a person anyone could argue with at length without risking a major headache. "Either I'm underestimating or you're overestimating how insightful you are."

"When I doubt, I'm right," she answered while pulling her phone from the pocket of her sweatpants. "Oh. Now he actually is asking me to check on you."

She noticed Jack's slightly mutinous expression and assured him, "Not, like, checking that you're not doing anything stupid. Just asking me to..." She read the text again. "... see if you want some company if you're home if I'm not doing anything. Wow, Gabe. Very conditional."

"Are you not doing anything?"

"No. I have a bit of a stubborn bug to fix, but I'd much rather do that tonight hooked up to a coffee drip."

"You sure?"

"I do my best work at night. So, do you want company? What do you want to do?"

Jack didn't really feel like coming up with a program, so they ended up eating cereal for late breakfast while giving commentary on daytime TV. Time passed quickly with her around, and before long, Gabriel was back. They cooked and ate dinner together before Sombra excused herself to go home and work.

Later, when he and Gabe were sitting on the couch together, Jack considered bringing the situation up, but in the end he was a little too afraid of getting a direct answer - one that might not be the one Sombra was assuming. He stayed silent and tried to just enjoy the moment of relative calm while it lasted.

Gabriel's phone buzzed on the coffee table, and he removed his arm from around Jack's shoulders to pick it up.

“What’s up?” He listened for a moment, then turned to Jack. “Do you know anything about libraries?”

Surprised, he replied, “I guess? I spent a lot of my time outside of school there to avoid going home, so… I’m familiar with the setting?”

“He says yes,” Gabriel said, back to the caller. “Yeah, he’s right here... Sure.” He handed the phone over to Jack. “Hanzo.”

Jack took the phone. “Hello?”

_“Hi Jack. I’m asking because we’ve got a shelving job open. I told the boss I knew someone, and she asked if you could come in the day after tomorrow for a chat.”_

He froze. “What, like, actual interview chat?”

_“Yes, I suppose so.”_

“Shouldn’t I… Do you need me to send my résumé somewhere or anything?”

_“It’s fine, just bring it on Thursday.”_

“Are you sure? That’s not really proper procedure, is it? Isn’t that, like, nepotism?”

_“Jack, you’re not being asked to run the country. Relax. The last guy left without giving notice last week, so Satya would appreciate someone who would be able to start as soon as possible; and it's a plus if she doesn't have to start with teaching you that books go on shelves and which way round. Can you be here at 10 on Thursday?”_

“Yes, of course. I’m really… thank you so much.”

_“No problem. See you.”_

He hung up, and Jack gave the phone back to Gabriel, slightly dazed.

“That sounded good.”

“It is,” he replied slowly. “It’s… it’s really good.”

Gabriel sighed. “There’s no chance of you sleeping even a wink the next nights, is there? When is it?”

Jack took a deep, shuddering breath and grimaced. “Two nights. It’s just that… if I fuck this up…”

“If it doesn’t work out… _if_ … there will be other chances. No use saying it, I know, but try not to worry too much.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonjour y'all
> 
> first of all sorry about the long break. there were extenuating circumstances, so i hope the next chapter won't be that late (provided you don't hate me after this one and give me another chance)
> 
> fyi, u can follow updates on my lack of progress and occasional excitement when i manage to type a word under sirotcinec on the tumblr.com, feel free to talk to me anytime if u want
> 
> Anyways, chapter 8, in which Jack experiences happiness :)
> 
> (u know how very very sometimes things go so well that the anxiety is pretending to be gone for a little bit)
> 
> (and then all of a sudden u think of something, any little thing)
> 
> (and then u crash completely bc u feel like u need to be extra worried to make up for the time that u obviously mistakenly were not worried)
> 
> (haha)

True to prediction, Jack was a nervous, exhausted wreck by the time Thursday came around, as much as he tried to hide it. He had sent his résumé to Hanzo to forward the day before after all, just to be sure, and he had spent the past two days studying everything he could from cataloguing systems to the university library's floor plan, but he still felt like he had missed some crucial step in preparing when he got off the bus and stood in front of the library entrance.

With his heart pounding, he stepped inside and made his way to where Hanzo had described the security desk was. He smiled at Jack as he approached.

"You're early."

"I know, I was worried I'd be late. Should I just wait here? Or can I look around for a bit?"

Hanzo gave a dismissive wave. "Of course, no problem. Just come back here, and I'll call up for someone to get you."

"Okay, thanks."

He wandered deeper into the library, past rows of shelves and desks where students were working. It was quiet apart from hushed conversations and the clicking of keyboards. He trailed his hand along the spines of books, skimming over titles in passing, but stopped when he noticed a young woman with a book cart a few shelves away. He watched her for a moment, thinking that this could be him if he didn't fuck it up today. He closed his eyes and thought of Gabe's tight hug before he had left and the quiet words of encouragement, Sombra's grin when she had peeked out of her apartment door, looking tired and with her hair still mussed from sleep, and wished him good luck as he left.

He took a deep breath and moved on, exploring some more before he made his was slowly back to Hanzo. "I'm here now, I think. It's not still too early, is it?"

"Satya will be down in a moment," Hanzo answered. "She and Winston will interview you, and they're both very nice. You'll be fine."

She did seem nice, Jack thought as Satya shook his hand and introduced herself a few minutes later, if a bit intimidating. She looked very neat, and Jack felt extremely sweaty and crinkled in comparison and nervously smoothed down his shirt as he followed her.

She smiled at him as they went up to the third floor in the elevator. "There is no need to be nervous. I'm sure you are well prepared."

"I hope so," he replied.

"Hanzo said you have not been in the city for long?"

"A little over a week now."

"Oh, really quite new. How do you like it?"

"I'm still getting familiar with everything, but it's good so far. It's... different."

"I read that you are from Indiana originally, or at least went to school there? I'm sure that would be a bit of a change, yes. Here we are." She stopped in front of a door and opened it while a large man hurried towards them from the far end of the corridor. He beamed at Jack as he approached and held out his hand.

"You must be Jack. It's good to meet you, I'm glad you could come." He introduced himself as Winston while they went inside and took their places at opposite sides of the large desk in the middle of the room. 

Jack's mind went blank at the sight of the copies of his résumé on the table, the pens at the ready for taking notes about him, and all he could hear was the rushing of blood in his ears. Satya and Winston both gave him encouraging smiles, and he suspected that he had lost some control over his facial expression and was looking like a frightened rabbit.

 

When he left the room on shaky legs a while later, once again escorted by Satya, he could barely remember what they had asked him, let alone what he had answered. She dropped him off with Hanzo again, saying goodbye and promising that he would hear from them soon.

Jack closed his eyes for a second and sighed deeply. He accepted the bottle of water gratefully that Hanzo slid across the desk with a concerned expression.

"Everything alright? You look like you're about to pass out."

"I'm okay, thanks. I just... have no idea how that went because I might as well have not been in the room at all, I was so out of it."

Hanzo chuckled. "I'm sure you did fine. Satya definitely looked happier just now than she did after most of the interviews this week."

"Really?" Jack turned around, but she had already disappeared somewhere.

"Absolutely. From her face alone, I would say your chances are not too bad."

"Thank you, and thanks again for doing this at all. I think I need to go home and lie down for a bit."

"Seems like a good idea. I'll see you soon."

 

The rest of the day and the mostly sleepless night, he went from cautious optimism to thinking he had completely fucked it up and back, usually within minutes. 

He finally fell asleep some time in the early morning hours, only half waking up when Gabriel disentangled himself from his arms and got up. Jack closed his eyes again to try and go back to sleep but noticed mournfully that his body was relentlessly shifting from 'sleepy' to 'tired but awake'. He rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling until quiet footsteps approached the bed and Gabriel bent over him. He gave Jack an unreadable look, then smiled in that way that Jack would never admit made him think of a cat with twitchy whiskers and ran a hand through Jack's hair.

"I'm off," he said. "Text me if you need anything? Or go bother Sombra if you need distraction?"

"Okay," Jack promised.

"Okay. See you later."

He watched Gabriel go, then looked back at the ceiling, wondering what he was going to do with himself today. Looking for other jobs seemed like it might be jinxing it, but not doing it seemed like self-delusion. In the end he went with what he had already practised to perfection the afternoon before - lying motionless while letting his brain run through rejection scenarios, with the occasional tentative 'what if they said yes' thrown in.

His mind was drifting so far away that the buzzing of his phone made him jump.

With a feeling of impending doom, he got out of bed and answered. "Hello?"

_"Good morning, Jack. It's Winston."_

"Hi, good morning." His heart sank further.

_"I'm calling to let you know that the job is yours if you are still interested?"_

"Really? I... I am, of course, thank you!"

_"That's great news, I'm happy to hear it! Would you be able to be here on Monday already, at 10?"_

"Yes, of course. Should I just, um, report to Hanzo again? Or go somewhere else?"

_"No, that sounds good. I'll see you then, and have a great weekend, Jack!"_

 

Jack had started pacing after answering the phone and stood still now after the call had ended, taking a moment to try and convince himself that he hadn't just imagined things. He was standing in the bedroom. His phone was in his hand. Everything was real. Feeling a little ridiculous but needing to be sure, he checked his call history, relieved when the number was there.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling completely overwhelmed. He hadn't felt this elated in years. The need to tell someone was almost physical, but texting Gabe really didn't seem enough. He considered waking Sombra, but then decided he wanted to tell Gabe first, even as he simultaneously chided himself that it was just a job and that he wasn't announcing that he was pregnant.

Somehow the afternoon passed. Jack's excitement went back down to manageable levels after a while, only to rise again the closer it got to the time when Gabriel would be home. When the door finally opened, he almost tripped over his own feet getting there and flung his arms around Gabriel's neck. Jack felt him stiffen for a second, but before he could start worrying that a jumpscare hug might not have been the best idea, he had already relaxed and was hugging him back.

"That feels like good news?" he said while marching Jack backwards into the room to nudge the door shut with his foot.

"I'm starting Monday," Jack replied without loosening his grip.

The return hug tightened. "Congrats, Jackie. Knew you'd do it."

Jack smiled into Gabriel's shoulder. He pulled back, his heart skipping at the warmth and happiness in Gabe's eyes, and without thinking about it, he pressed his lips to Gabe's. His aim was slightly off between the corner of his mouth and his beard, and the courage left him as soon as he realised what he was doing.

Part of him regretted the way he abruptly pulled away entirely, his face burning, and turned his back to go over to the kitchen, throwing over his shoulder, "What do you want to eat?" but the other part was ready to deny there had been a kiss at all, to explain that his lips had ended up there through some logistical improbability when he had stepped away.

Just the same, he was both disappointed and relieved when there was no indication from Gabriel the entire evening that anything had happened.

Once they were in bed with the lights off, he asked Jack, "Want to do anything fun this weekend with any of the others? To celebrate?"

Jack grimaced. "Maybe next weekend, if you don't mind? Just... when I've made it a week without getting fired. Just in case."

He couldn't see Gabriel's expression but suspected that the following short silence was him envisioning the approach of Jack's next crisis, but then he answered, "Sure, no problem."

Jack was about to say goodnight when Gabriel's mouth was suddenly on his. It was another brief kiss, but this one more decisive and dead on target.

"Is that what you were going for?" Gabriel finally asked when Jack said nothing.

It took another moment for his breath and thoughts to return, and he could feel the tension in Gabe's body as he waited. "Yeah, that's... what I had in mind," he finally managed.

"Good." Jack could feel Gabe's smile when he kissed him again before burying his face against Jack's chest. "Sleep well."

"You too," he whispered, still feeling the ghost of the kiss on his lips and wondering how he was going to sleep at all when that overwhelming elation from before was back.

 

Gabriel kept the promise of a quiet weekend, although Jack did end up telling Sombra as she came over to eat with them on Sunday evening. Her hug nearly bowled him over, but she was quite indignant later on when Gabe gave him a quick peck on the cheek in passing that his 'boring ass job' was the thing he had told her about and not  _that_.

Monday arrived after another sleepless night, and the insomnia turned out to be unfounded once again. They only went over his paperwork for the contract and his schedule for the next weeks; then Satya showed him around for a while and eventually introduced him to a colleague whom he should follow and work with for the rest of the afternoon. Her name was Mei, and Jack was almost certain that she was the woman he had seen on the day of his interview. He liked her cheerful manner well enough, even though some of her many questions about him were uncomfortably personal in his situation; but she seemed to catch on and changed the subject quickly.

Jack breezed through the rest of the week. He found that he enjoyed the work a lot, from the quiet of the environment to the calming routine of sorting through books; and it didn't hurt that the students at the library were probably the most pleasant sort of patrons he had ever dealt with.

It was a relief to have an actual weekend again with a clear beginning and end, although Gabriel declared him possibly out of his mind and definitely a victim of capitalist brainwashing when he mentioned how good it felt to be able to say that the weekend was already almost over on Saturday night.

Mad or not, he still enjoyed lying in bed on Sunday and being able to look forward to the next day while he was waiting for Gabriel to get out of the shower. According to Jack's wish, they had spent the day at the beach with Sombra, Jesse, and Hanzo and had come back late, just in time to wash off the sand and sleep.

Jack was still thinking back on the past week as the water in the bathroom was shut off; and it suddenly occurred to him that he hadn't once even thought about looking for an apartment the entire time. Gabriel hadn't brought it up either, but technically it could be expected of Jack to have the awareness not to overlook the detail that he was still sleeping in someone else's bed and living out of his backpack.

Gabriel entered the room at that moment and climbed over Jack to his side of the bed. He narrowed his eyes as he lay down and studied Jack.

"What's that head of yours saying now?"

Jack hesitated but then figured he might as well put it out there now while at least fragments of his little protective bubble of happiness remained. "I was just wondering about moving out."

Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

"I mean how long I can stay with you. I do have the job now, but since I obviously haven't actually been paid yet, I'm still pretty close to being broke."

Gabriel closed the distance between them and gave him a short kiss. "Am I giving you the impression that I urgently want you gone?"

Jack blushed but couldn't suppress a twitch of his lips. "No, but I can't stay here forever."

"Maybe not," Gabriel said with a shrug. "But for the moment I do like you here, so take your time." 

Jack laughed when Gabriel pulled them flush together and returned his next kiss. He wound his hand into Gabriel's damp hair but froze at the light nip on his bottom lip. When Gabriel's tongue slid into his mouth and tentatively coaxed his own, he returned the gesture hesitantly. Gabriel's fingers trailed slowly along the narrow sliver of skin at the small of his back between the hem of his shirt and his pants before slipping under the waistband, not pulling down, just resting there. The contact along with the gentle slide of his tongue was very much unlike the chaste kisses they had exchanged so far, and the sensation didn't fail to go straight down to his cock. He could feel Gabriel's body reacting in kind, and it made him tense further.

Gabriel broke the kiss and pulled back. "Too much?" he asked.

"I'm okay," Jack replied automatically.

"Yeah, you look thrilled." He pulled Jack's shirt all the way down again and smoothed his hands over the back. "Sorry. I didn't mean to rush you or anything. We're doing this at your pace, okay?"

"Okay," he repeated, again before he had even processed the question. His nerves were beginning to feel raw, and he didn't know how to handle the situation. He hadn't thought this far ahead before his first impulse kiss; and while he had worried about it briefly afterwards, the unhurried progress of the physical aspect of their relationship until now had allowed him to stow away the question how to deal with the sex issue at the very back. Once again he cursed the happy bubble that seemed to have sapped his entire ability to think rationally.

But now he saw himself faced with having to come up with an immediate solution, and his mind was racing to find something that wasn't 'get it over with' or 'leave'.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" Gabriel asked. He had scooted backwards slightly and was still looking concerned.

Getting it over with wasn't really an option since this wasn't a casual not-actually-a-relationship like his first time, so there was no never speaking again and studiously avoiding each other's gaze in school hallways for the rest of time.

"Hey. Jackie." Gabriel gently cupped his face, his gaze soft.

Jack swallowed. Not casual at all. All the worse it would be to draw it out only to run into the same problem down the line.

"I can't do this," he blurted out.

"Do what?" Gabriel asked and sat up, Jack following his example.

"Be with you."

Gabriel's eyes widened before he schooled his face into a carefully neutral expression. "Oh." He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "If it's because of the kiss, I'm really sorry, Jack. I honestly didn't do it to pressure you into anything, I was just... I don't even know. Misjudging, I guess. It's completely okay if you're not ready to go any further yet."

The 'yet' made Jack's stomach clench, and he shook his head. "No, that's not... I'm sorry, I really can't. I... shouldn't have kissed you in the first place. I'm really sorry for... leading you on."

"You didn't. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out something isn't right for you. It's okay, that's not your fault," Gabriel said with a slight smile.

Jack felt just about ready to either throw up or start crying. "I'll sleep on the couch and leave tomorrow," he mumbled and grabbed his pillow and blanket before hastily getting up and turning his back.

"Hold on, what I said before still goes," Gabriel said behind him. "You don't need to leave, take as much time as you need to find something decent. I'm not gonna make things weird if you stay."

Jack shook his head without turning back around. He didn't quite trust his voice, but managed to choke out, "Don't know. 'S okay."

"Just think about it."

With a curt nod, he left the room to make his bed on the couch. 

He barely slept that night and could hear restless shifting from Gabriel's room as well whenever he was awake. The thought that he had hurt him made him feel sick with guilt; and a few times he considered going back and apologising, wondering if he could convince Gabe that he hadn't meant it. He tried to tell himself that he could deal with anything sexual Gabe might want to throw his way as it came, no matter how soon, but the idea alone made him shudder, and in the end he figured it was better this way. Gabe could find someone better and less dysfunctional in no time.

When he heard him get up in the morning and get ready, he turned to face the backrest and pulled the blanket over his head before Gabriel left his room. Eventually footsteps approached and came to a stop close by.

"Are you awake?" Gabriel asked.

Jack didn't move and tried to breathe evenly.

Gabriel sighed. "Okay. I..." He paused for a moment, then sighed again. "I gotta go. I hope I'll see you later. Take care." The footsteps receded, and the front door opened and closed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok there are new tags added for this chapter pLEASE REMAIN CALM
> 
> some mild suicidal ideation near the beginning, you know, as looking at bodies of water without distraction does to people. one instance of homophobic and racist slurs in the middle, you'll probably see em coming. if you want to avoid reading memories of sexual assault, skip some of the pillow talk near the end, you'll see that coming too.
> 
> it's more positive than it sounds i swear
> 
> it's just lots of talk
> 
> if u need me to tag or change anything, let me know either here in the comments or on tumblr (same name) <3

The slam of a door woke Jack, and the following silence told him that it had been Aidan leaving rather than coming home.

He lay still for a while and looked blankly up at the nicotine stained ceiling. There was no work today, so this was most likely all he would be doing, but eventually he would have to get up because he really needed to piss. After a few more minutes and a check of the time, he forced himself out of his blanket cocoon and to the bathroom.

Opening the door, he froze and thought for one deeply confused moment that he had opened the door to someone else's bathroom because his did not usually have any dead rats in it. His mind adjusted after a few seconds, but nothing changed about the fact that the carcass looked disturbingly out of place on the tile floor.

He stared at it, at the wet fur, the clenched paws, the thick tail, and wondered if it was a large rat or a normal sized one that appeared unnaturally large in the small room.

Then he wondered what to do. Throw it in the trash? Call some kind of animal control or an exterminator, or a priest? He was sure there were laws and regulations for the proper disposal of dead things, but just thinking about having to deal with that was exhausting.

In the end he headed to the kitchen and rifled through the cupboard under the sink, noticing that his hands were shaking. He had never considered himself scared of rats, and even now he wasn't really, but he couldn't help feeling somewhat overwhelmed by the situation.

Finally he found a pair of rubber gloves. He grabbed them, a dustpan, and two trash bags and went back to the bathroom.

He knelt down and hesitantly reached out a gloved hand before pulling back. The rat looked undeniably dead, but part of him still expected it to move once he touched it. Eventually he got over himself and poked it with the dustpan. It didn't move. He managed to maneuver it into one of the trash bags with the dustpan, then bagged the bag itself, and tied it shut. He took it outside to the trash can, threw out the gloves, and - after a moment of consideration and figuring that Aidan had probably never used it anyway - the dustpan as well.

He washed his hands once he was back inside, finally pissed, washed his hands again, and decided he had better take a shower.

When he crawled back into bed once he felt cleaner, he realised quickly that his numb routine had been shattered completely, and there was no way he would be able to settle down again. After some pacing, he sat back down and started searching for bus routes.

 

An unduly long journey later, he made his way from the bus stop to the beach. He wandered around for a while, but once he recognised where exactly he was, his steps led him automatically to the same spot where he had spent his previous visits. 

The amount of people around him with their friends and families turned the suspicion that this had been the worst possible idea to cheer him up and take his mind off things into certainty, but at the same time he really didn't want to leave. He figured it was a bit like emotional stalking, to feel like he was as close as he could get to Gabe without doing something completely unacceptable like turning up at his work or home.

He looked listlessly out at the sea while raking his fingers through the sand over and over. The horizon seemed far away, and he wondered how far he would be able to swim. And more morbidly, at what point he wouldn’t be able to swim back. His gaze was drawn by the lifeguard post a little down the beach. They were trained to keep an eye out for things like that, but it had to happen sometimes that people just slipped past and disappeared with no one the wiser, especially when it was as crowded as today. He wasn't sure what happened to a body out there, though. Vanishing without a trace forever, probably eventually eaten by some sea creature, was a good thought, but perhaps you would just end up washing ashore and traumatising some poor kid.

 

“Are you incapable of buying sunscreen for yourself?” interrupted a voice from behind him that cut straight through to his heart. He turned his head and looked up at Gabriel who was glaring at him.

“I forgot.”

“Course you did,” Gabriel muttered and dropped his own bottle in the sand next to Jack. “Here. Before you completely burn to a crisp.”

“Thank you,” Jack replied quietly and starting applying the sunscreen to all exposed areas. He could feel how warm the back of his neck was and figured it was probably bright red. “Sorry, I’m sitting in your spot,” he said when Gabriel stood for a moment after he had given the sunscreen back.

“I think there’s enough space for me to find another spot.” Gabriel smiled slightly. “Good to see you.”

“You don’t have to,” Jack blurted out. “I mean, if you want. You don't have to leave.”

Gabriel nodded slowly before spreading out his towel and sitting down next to him. “How have you been?”

“Fine,” Jack said automatically, but it was better than the alternative of saying he only got out of bed to go to work and spent his days in the sun casually contemplating death. “You?”

“Yeah. How’s work?”

“It’s good. I like it, and I got more hours now, and… yeah. All good.”

“That’s good at least. You come here a lot?”

“No, this is the first time since… since last time.” Trying to distract from having brought up the day he had left, he added, “I came by bus. Took me almost two hours.”

Gabriel laughed. “It better be worth it.”

“Yeah, I just needed to get out of the house.”

“Is your… housing situation okay?” Gabriel asked carefully after a short pause.

“It’s fine," replied Jack. "It was only... There was a dead rat in the bathroom this morning, and it made me want to go outside.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “Most people would see ‘fine’ and ‘rat-infested’ as mutually exclusive, but you do you.”

“It’s not infested! It was one single lost rat.”

“Mhmm. They’re known for being solitary animals.”

Jack laughed despite himself. "Damn it, Gabe, don't summon rats, okay?" The smirk he got in reply made his heart ache, and he looked away.

They sat in silence until Gabriel sighed and lay down. After a moment, Jack allowed himself a sideways glance and saw that his eyes were closed. He should have looked away then but couldn't resist letting his gaze rest for only a while, imagining what it would be like to kiss him now, his lips on the sun-warmed forehead, the scarred cheek, the soft lips. He lay down on his stomach, shuffling as close to Gabriel as he figured he could get away with, and pillowed his head on his forearms. He observed his profile until he felt like he had committed all details to fresh memory, then closed his eyes as well.

When he opened them again, Gabriel had sat back up and was gazing out across the ocean. When Jack moved, he turned his attention to him. "Sleep well?"

Jack shrugged. "Just a nap."

They sat next to each other again without speaking until Gabriel cleared his throat. "How long were you gonna stay?"

"Dunno." Jack fished his phone from his pocket to check the time, freezing when he saw that it was almost eight. He had been sure that he had only closed his eyes for ten minutes tops and not passed out for several hours, although this did explain Gabe's question. "Shit, I guess I'm staying until like an hour ago at the very latest."

“I can drive you home if you don't want to go the two hour scenic route again.”

“Are you sure? I don’t think it’s on the way.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

"It would help, thanks. But only if you were leaving anyway."

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "I wasn't gonna stay the night."

Jack had the suspicion that he actually would have left a while ago and had only waited for him to wake up but didn't voice it as they made their way to the car.

 

Gabriel found his way to the general area without help, and Jack directed him the rest of the way to his door.

“Okay, well. Thanks for driving me home,” he said and got out of the car, a constricting feeling spreading through his chest.

“No problem. Just… text me sometime maybe. Would be good to know you’re not dead from evidence other than Hanzo seeing you disappear around a corner every once in a while.”

Breathing became even harder. “Okay.” He stood glued to the spot in the open car door and stared at the ground while he tried to force his muscles into stepping away and closing the door. His gaze wandered to the side and stopped on the dent in the back door.

He frowned. "Is that how you spell McCree?"

"Not how I spell it, no. Not how he spells it either."

Jack's lips twitched. "Only Sombra then, huh?"

"Yup. Rookie mistake, though. Pretty sure she knows better by now."

“Do you want to come in for a coffee?” Jack suddenly heard himself say after another long, motionless pause. When no answer came, he looked up to find Gabriel's eyes on him, his expression unreadable but serious.

"Alright," he said eventually and got out of the car. 

A little unsure what to do with this gift he had been given, Jack gestured at his bed once they were inside. "Sit down," he said, then admitted, "I don't have any coffee."

"That's okay."

"There might be some coke somewhere."

"It's fine."

"Okay." Jack sat down next to him, suddenly very aware that his entire living space was a bed and his backpack in someone's living room that smelled like old smoke and dirty carpet.

"Did you want to talk about anything? Or just company?" Gabriel asked after a few more minutes of silence.

Jack hesitated. "I don't know. Just company, maybe. I haven't been getting out much."

"Don't get along with the roommate?"

"I don't know. He says hello sometimes. Or nods at least. But that's it really."

"Hm. Well, there's always Hanzo at work, but..." Gabriel trailed off, but continued in response to Jack's suspicious look, "I didn't ask, he only told me that he noticed you're impressively sneaky for a guy with your build."

"I'm not avoiding him on purpose. Or, well, I am, but..." Jack sighed unhappily. "I just don't know how to talk to him. Or Sombra. They're your friends."

"I didn't know I got sole custody of our friends in the divorce. You do know I don't own them, right?"

"I know that," said Jack sharply. "But still. Sombra texted me like a week after I left and asked how I was doing and if I wanted to hang out, and I didn't know what to say, so I thought about it for a few days, but in the end I'd been thinking for so long that it would have been weird to reply by then."

Gabriel stroked his beard, seeming to hide a slight smile behind his hand. "Sombra doesn't care about that. You can reply to her in a few months, and she ain't gonna say anything. It's alright if you need some space, everyone gets that."

"I don't need space." He took a deep breath. "Not handling the space that well, I think."

"It's gonna get easier."

Jack shrugged, sitting stiffly with his hands tucked between his knees and eyes fixed on a stain on the carpet. He wanted to say that it only seemed to be getting harder, but couldn't really see a point and didn't know what he expected Gabriel to do about it.

"If you're having trouble, if you need help with anything, you know you can always come back for a while."

He shook his head immediately. "I can't do that."

"We'd figure something out with the sleeping. I mean, no offense, I wouldn't sleep on the couch every night for you, not for anyone really, but you can get the bed sometimes. Or actually you could take Sombra's bed, and you probably wouldn't even get in each other's way. You can sleep at night like a normal person, and she can sleep during the day like the weird bat that she is."

Jack laughed and shook his head again, still not managing to look at Gabe. "I would end up in your bed again, and the whole mess would start over."

Gabriel was silent for a moment. "I thought you didn't want to be in my bed."

"No, I do, or at least... That wasn't it."

"Then why did you go?"

"I didn't want to..." He sighed and looked up at Gabriel's confused face. "Did you want to sleep with me?"

"I... had considered it? Once or twice, usually while I was alone in the shower, to be honest? But there weren't any immediate plans."

"Hm," Jack said doubtfully.

"Is that why?" Gabriel pressed. "Because I told you there was no rush with that."

"Yeah, you said if I wasn't ready yet, but that's just it, you were still expecting it, weren't you?" Jack cringed inwardly, wishing he had Gabe's self-control and didn't jump automatically to the most accusatory tone possible.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes. "Really? You leave without a single word of explanation for over a month because of how I phrased something?"

"I thought about the options, okay?" Jack defended himself.

"Alright, what were the options?"

"To leave before things get any more intense. Or to make excuses until you start pushing, I guess, to get some more time with you, and then leave. Or to just do it, but I suppose it would have been a... repeat thing."

Gabriel sat still and looked at him for a long moment and then stood up. "Okay, I better leave now," he said, his voice tight. "I guess it's not something to discuss if you seriously consider me raping you as a valid option, but just talking to me somehow doesn't even make the list."

Jack stood up hastily, feeling as though he had been punched in the gut. "No, that's not... I didn't mean it like that, honestly. Not like that. And I... I didn't think it would change anything?"

"Because of what I said."

"No, not just that. You kissed me, and, you know. It all felt very purposeful."

Gabriel snorted and looked indecisively at the door, then back at Jack and sat down again. Jack followed, the somewhat mollified expression making him hope he hadn't ruined everything for good yet.

"I really wasn't trying for anything with that kiss," Gabriel said.

Jack nodded and sighed. "You're very, I don't know, you kiss like you know what you're doing." He rolled his eyes when he noticed Gabriel fighting a grin. "Go ahead, be smug, I guess it is half a compliment."

Gabriel chuckled. "Sorry. So maybe I know what I'm doing but I also know how to, I dunno, ride a bike. Have you ever heard me complain that I've got the urge to do that?"

"No, but if you had a bike, wouldn't you want to ride it?" Jack countered.

"If I'm getting a bike, it's because I really like it, and then I don't care if it wants to be ridden to the East Coast and back or just kissed and cuddled in the shed." 

Jack laughed and looked away from the mischievous glint in Gabriel's eyes, feeling heat spread across his cheeks. "Really not the point of a bike, though," he muttered.

"Fuck you, Jackie. Don't tell me and my bike how to be happy."

He was sure the blush darkened another shade. "Would you, though? Be happy? No festering resentment?"

"Over this? I doubt it. More likely because the bike keeps leaving bits of peanut butter in the jelly jar."

"Do I?" Jack asked with a frown, getting a chagrined nod in reply. "Sorry, I never noticed. I didn't have a mom, cut me some slack."

"I'm cutting, it's still gross." Gabriel's face turned serious again, and he seemed to consider for a while, eyes searching Jack's face. "You promise to watch that in future?" he finally asked.

Jack's heart skipped a beat. This was not what he had expected and a lot more than he ever would have hoped for. Rationally, he still wanted to turn him down because the risk that it would end painfully again was just too great, but then again Gabe most likely feared the same and had still taken the leap.

"I promise," he said when he noticed Gabriel getting fidgety over the long pause and cleared his throat. "And I promise I'll try to tell you if I have problems with... the peanut butter."

"All I'm asking."

Jack wasn't sure if this was already permission for a kiss, or if they would need more time to come back to that. He leaned forward experimentally, unspeakably relieved when Gabe met him halfway.

The kiss broke his final restraint, and he wrapped his arms around Gabriel to pull him along until they were both lying down. Gabriel hummed and returned the hug, burying his face in the crook of Jack's neck.

Jack pressed a kiss to the side of his head. "I missed this. I missed you," he whispered and smiled when Gabriel turned his head to kiss his way up Jack's jaw back to his mouth.

The sound of the front door opening pulled him sharply back to reality. Gabriel was off him in a blink sitting on the edge of the bed, and Jack scrambled to follow.

Aidan stood in the open door and was staring at them. "What the fuck do you think you're doing."

The tone made Jack's hackles raise immediately, and he bit back, "I live here."

Aidan barked out a laugh. "Seriously? You think I'm gonna live with a damn fag? How about you get the fuck out right now."

Jack shot up from the bed and crossed his arms. "Well fuck you, I've paid up for the rest of the month, you gonna give that back? If not, I ain't going nowhere."

Aidan laughed again and walked past, disappearing into his room without another word.

"Jackie, pack up," Gabriel said.

"No, I mean it! He can go fuck himself."

"You wanna knock his teeth out and then go, that's fine, but you're not staying"

"Would be a start."

Suddenly Gabriel froze. Jack heard a click from behind him, and stopped short when he turned and caught sight of the gun aimed squarely at him.

"I'll say it again. Get. Out."

Jack let his arms drop slowly to his side, mind blank as he stared at the weapon.

Gabriel moved cautiously to pick up Jack's backpack from the foot of the bed. "We're going, man, it's alright. We're leaving."

Aidan raised an eyebrow at Jack who was still rooted to the spot. "Well? Should listen to your spic, at least he got some sense."

The red-hot fury was back in a flash, and before he knew it, he was rushing forward, his fist drawn back for a punch. He heard Gabriel swear and then felt his hand clamp around his wrist like a vise to pull him back. He saw Aidan's finger move slowly to the trigger when Gabriel let go of his wrist and shoved him towards the door and outside, but then he lowered the gun.

"Fucking pray I don't run into you again," was the last thing he said before the door closed between them.

Gabriel moved quickly, throwing Jack's backpack onto the backseat of the car. "Will you get in already?" he snapped when Jack hesitated. "I don't care if your toothbrush is still in the bathroom if that's what you're thinking of."

Jack complied wordlessly, staring at his hands while Gabriel started driving. He felt strangely calm considering what had just happened, almost numb. At the first red light, Gabriel rested his forehead on the steering wheel and took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Are you okay?" Jack asked cautiously.

"Give me a moment," was the curt answer that made him shrink into his seat and stay quiet the rest of the way. 

His relief at coming home when they entered the apartment was overshadowed by Gabriel's silence, and he tried again, "I'm sorry."

Gabriel nodded.

"I wasn't thinking."

"You shouldn't fucking have to think about not trying to punch the guy with the gun, fucking hell, Jack!"

"I know."

"It's like the barest minimum of fucking common sense."

"I know," Jack repeated, his gaze fixed on the floor. He was beginning to feel cornered and tried to curb his instinct to lash out in response.

"The one time I'm banking on your stupid tendency to quietly walk out on all potential conflict, and you fucking go for the kill! Just, why?"

Jack managed a small shrug but still didn't look up.

Gabriel's phone buzzed, and he sighed after checking it. "Sombra's asking if she can come say hi when I'm done yelling at you."

Jack peeked at him. "Are you done?"

Gabriel sighed again and dragged a hand through his hair. "Yes. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have... I just really thought I'd have to drag your corpse out of there, and I don't think I've ever been so terrified."

Jack hesitantly reached out and stroked a hand down his arm, not quite daring to go for the hug, but relieved when Gabriel reacted by pulling him into his arms. "I'm sorry," he said again into Gabe's shoulder.

"I know. I'm sorry I got loud."

"It's okay."

He chuckled when Gabriel yelled over his shoulder, "Come on over, fucking nuisance!" A muffled whoop and the sound of a door opening and closing followed from beyond the wall, and Gabriel had only just released him when Sombra barged in and hugged him.

"You're back! How are you? What did you do to Gabe?"

"I'm okay. I almost got us shot."

Her eyes widened, but then she shrugged. "Eh, it happens. Over what?"

"Tried to defend my honour with his fists," muttered Gabriel as he flung himself onto the couch.

"Aw bless you, Jack. Always looking out for the little things." She snickered at Gabriel's sullen expression and turned back to Jack. "Are you back for good?"

"Uh." Jack looked questioningly at Gabriel, who merely raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, did you kiss and make up?"

"Before, yes, but not since I tried to kill us."

"As if it matters. But I'll let you get back to that, just wanted to say howdy." She gave Jack another brief squeeze and patted Gabriel's head before leaving.

 Once they were alone again, Jack glanced at Gabriel, who was still slouching on the sofa and looking up at him. "Can we kiss and make up now?"

Gabriel stood up and crossed the room in two strides to pull Jack into a tight embrace and press a firm kiss to his lips. "Want to go to bed?"

Jack nodded. "Can I borrow a toothbrush?"

"I got a spare, please don't borrow mine."

 

Lying in the familiar bed again was heaven, and Jack relished the closeness, being able to touch and hold and kiss. Very hesitantly he let his tongue explore a little, which Gabe seemed to accept happily if the small moan and tightening of the hand in his hair was any indication, but Jack pulled back after a second.

"Is that okay? Can I do that?"

Gabriel laughed quietly. "Jackie, you can put that wonderful tongue wherever you want."

"Thanks a lot. What I mean is, it's not like I don't have any... urges. There's just things I don't want to do. Can I still do some other things?"

"Again, whatever you want. Within reason." He propped himself up on one elbow and stroked Jack's hair with the other hand. "No experience or bad experience?"

"Bad," Jack replied.

"Sorry." He kept stroking and seemed to deliberate before saying with the caution of someone about to step into a minefield, "Your father didn't...?"

Jack shuddered. "God no, he had his limits at the worst of times. It wasn't anything like that, I just tried it with a guy from school, and it was... just no good." He narrowed his eyes when Gabe's expression shifted from relief to amusement. "What?"

"Bad sex aside, I'm impressed you managed to pull in high school."

"You saying I'm not pretty enough? Lies and slander."

"Mmh, I think you're very pretty. But high school in the Midwest of nowhere still gotta be like hard mode."

Jack grimaced. "It was a giant closet, and we both went out on several limbs to confirm each other for gay. That was also pretty much all that connected us. I mean, he wasn't hideous and was okay to talk to, but mostly it was only that I wanted to try stuff and thought like yeah alright, he'll do."

"Romantic."

"Extremely. It wasn't like we could go on normal dates or anything either. We just met up behind the school at night to make out."

Gabriel raised his eyebrows. "You went to school of all places?" 

"Yeah, everyone did. Sometimes you had to wait your turn or go home."

"Come on, you're shitting me. You did not wait in line to fuck at school, not even you country folk can be that weird."

Jack grinned at sight of Gabriel's disbelieving face. "Nah, I swear. And it wasn't like people were banging on the principal's desk. There was this completely hidden spot behind the school building on the corner." He drew a square angle with his finger on Gabriel's chest. "With a bunch of trees around." He added a squiggly line. "And the parking lot behind them. There was a stairwell down to a mystery door." He added the stairs for good measure. "Don't know what it was, basement access, storage, choky, but I'm absolutely sure no staff member ever went there because we would have heard about that in some official announcement about shocking debauchery on school grounds. The place was gross. It always smelled of weed, whether someone had just been smoking or not, I think the smell kinda seeped into the ground and the trees, and there was trash everywhere. Fastfood wrappers, empty beer cans, used condoms, lost underwear, and so on."

Gabriel uttered a noise of disgust, making Jack laugh. "I still got the jeans I wore when I gave my first blowjob, and sometimes I swear I can still see phantom stains on the knees."

He sobered up and looked silently down at his fingers that were aimlessly drawing lines and random shapes on Gabe's chest now. "We only went there to make out at first, and then to do, you know, other stuff, and eventually he wanted to fuck me, and I just kinda... let him." He kept his focus on his hands and didn't look at Gabriel, who simply kept running his fingers through Jack's hair. "He bent me over the banister of the stairwell and started poking around with his fingers, and that was already just... no. I was still debating if I should tell him to fuck off or if it would get better, and then he spat on his dick and jammed that in, and I mean jammed." He shivered at the memory of the feeling, of the short, breathless laugh behind him at his yelp of pain, the fingers digging into his hip and shoulder to keep him still. He remembered too clearly how he had searched for something to distract himself from what was happening and found only a crow lying with its wings spread and neck twisted on one of the steps surrounded by crumpled burger wrappers and empty bottles glinting faintly in the moonlight, and how he had stared at it until it was over. 

"I don't know why I didn't tell him to stop," he muttered. "I just... I don't know. I zoned out like I always did when my dad was in one of his moods, and eventually he was done. He pulled out, did his pants back up, said 'see you Monday, Morrison,' and left."

Gabriel's fingers had stilled at some point and were starting to run through his hair again. "Do you know how many heads are going to roll if I ever happen to pass through that helltown of yours again," he said, his voice hoarse.

Jack looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "Two?"

"I'm sure we'll rack up a few more if you keep talking."

"The best thing was that during the whole thing I missed about a dozen calls from my dad telling me to come down to the bar to help out. He was not happy when he got home." His fingers picked up their trail across Gabriel's chest again. "That was actually the first time I punched him back."

"I'd congratulate you, except I got a feeling it didn't do much to improve your relationship."

"How'd you guess." He chewed on his lip while wondering how to phrase what had started going through his head. "He didn't use a condom," he finally began. "I'm obviously still alive, but I never went to get checked or anything."

"I'll go with you."

"Thanks. And thank you for-" He paused, looking for words. "For not giving me anything about how I need to try again with someone who will do it properly."

"You didn't seriously think I would, did you?" Gabriel asked with an appalled look while he got comfortable and wrapped his arms around Jack, who shrugged.

"I've never talked to anyone about it, but any online discussions on the subject are pretty disheartening."

"They would be," Gabriel scoffed. He yawned and pulled Jack closer. "Want to sleep now? Or are you still awake from your little four hour nap this afternoon?"

"Hm no, I can sleep." Jack shifted them until Gabriel was resting against his chest and he could bury his nose in his hair. He felt like he had spent about three lifetimes without a wink of sleep since this morning. "Can't wait to not have to listen to my brain for a few hours actually."

He felt a huff of laughter, and a hand groped its way up his neck from behind to rub his head. "Good night."

"Good night."


End file.
